[lfjokes] kiwi idiots

[Adam Shand]

From: Craig Wright <froggy at paradise.net.nz>

LINWOOD IDIOT
   
The Christchurch Press crime column reported that a man walked into
Linwood Ave McDonald's at 8:50AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The
clerk turned him down because she said she couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered a Big Mac, the clerk said they
weren't available until 10:30 am as only the breakfast menu was on offer.
Frustrated, the man walked away.
   
   
ARANUI IDIOTS
   
Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM machine in the Christchurch
suburb of Aranui by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
their Toyota Land cruiser, but instead of pulling the front panel off the
Machine they pulled the bumper off their 4WD.  Scared, and attracting
attention from oncoming traffic, they left the scene and drove home, with
the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper still attached to
the chain, and with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the
bumper. No, they did not use a stolen car.
   
   
AUCKLAND IDIOT
   
A man walked into a service station, put a $20 bill on the counter and
asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars.
   
GREYMOUTH IDIOT
   
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.So
he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window with all his
might. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Apparently, the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass.And the whole event was caught on videotape, which the store
owner consequently sold for use on TV.
   
   
RICCARTON IDIOT
   
As a female shopper exited the Riccarton K-Mart in Riccarton Mall, a man
grabbed her purse and ran.  A shop assistant at K-Mart called the Police
immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of
the snatcher.  Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher,
trying to mingle in the shopping crowd on Riccation Road. They put him in
the car and drove back to the K-Mart store.  The thief was then taken out
of the car and up to the K-Mart front desk and told to stand there for a
positive ID. To which he replied; "Yes, Officer, that's her.  That's the
lady I stole the purse from ."
   
   
TIMARU IDIOT
   
When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on the Main
South Road, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
petrol and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
He had tried to siphon the petrol by first sucking it up the hose. The
owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.