[lfjokes] Remind you of anyone we know? It's morgan ...

[Adam Shand]

hey morgan you bitch, start including urls when you send me shit so i
don't have to go search the web to find out where you found this shit.

From: Morgan Likely <mrorange at godisdead.com> 
Via: http://www.theonion.com/onion3408/officesolutions.html

SANTA FE, NM--When Santa Fe-area marketing and sales professionals are
looking for an office-management consultant with a nose for improving
productivity and cost-effectiveness, they turn to Jim Smuda. For the past
six years, this pitiful little man has served as senior field consultant
at VisTech, one of Santa Fe's leading service-support companies.

"I provide office solutions," the sniveling, detestable Smuda said.
"Whether you need help with digital networking, facilities management,
outsourcing, systems integration or document services, I have the
experience and know-how to guide you through today's business maze."

"If you've got questions," the 41-year-old worm added, "the team of
experts at VisTech has got the answers."

Before joining VisTech, Smuda spent nine years freelancing as a
data-retrieval specialist in the Dallas area, troubleshooting computer
systems for corporate clients. Though capable of handling a broad spectrum
of business problems, the gutless half-man specializes in
information-systems consulting, offering services ranging from network
set-up, upgrading and maintenance to software installation, customization
and support.

"VisTech is your one-stop source for Internet and Intranet development, as
well as collaborative-computing support," said Smuda, adjusting the toupee
he has worn since age 23. "We are a full-service company that can evaluate
and integrate multi-platform environments, including Unix-based Sun
workstations, Novell Netware-based PC servers and AppleTalk-based TCP/IP
LANs."

"Remember, no job is too small for the professionals at VisTech," added
the spouseless, childless man, who is destined to die alone and unloved.
"And no job is too big, either."

Smuda, who is unable to maintain an erection, said he has experience
designing and installing such disparate networking architectures as IBM
Token Ring, 10/100 Base-T Ethernet/Thinnet and Apple LocalTalk-based
PhoneNet arrays.

"Not sure what system is best for your company?" said Smuda in his
grating, nasal voice. "I can work with you to create the office computing
environment that best suits your particular needs."

Flashing a nauseatingly insincere smile, Smuda said many of his clients
are pleasantly surprised to learn that VisTech also offers
personnel-management solutions. "A single five-hour VisTech seminar can
increase your staff's productivity by as much as 20 percent," Smuda said.
"I bet you'd like to know more!"

"There's no charge for an initial consultation, so there's no reason not
to set one up today," Smuda said. "Give me a call!"