[lfjokes] Royal Edict

[Adam Shand]

From: Herr ToddoT Nagengast <todd at gnosh.net>

I recognise that this is not entirely proper use of the King's highway -
but on matters of such great import - I thought it appropriate that you
were aware of this important communication between Her Majesty's
Government and those supposedly in command of her ex-colonies in the
Americas....................

Subject: Colonial Rule
Security Level: Internal
Subject: FW: Urgent Dispatch to the Colonies
London, 14th November 2000

To the citizens of the United States of America, It has come to our
attention that you are having certain difficulties in electing a new
President. As a result of your failure to elect a President to govern
yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence
as set forth in Article III of the surrender at Yorktown in 1781. As you
may recall, Great Britain granted the Colonies full independence as long
as you were able to govern yourselves. If at any time you fail to provide
a democratically elected president, "Great Britain shall reserve the right
to annex the United States". And so, Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth
II will resume a monarch's duties over all your states, commonwealths and
other territories effective two fortnights prior to Boxing Day.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependancy, please comply with
the following acts:

 1. Learn at least the first four lines of God Save The Queen
 2. Start referring to soccer as football
 3. Drive all vehicles, including lorries, on the proper side of the road
 4. Eliminate all television stations, except for 4
 5. Remove all artificial flavouring from all foods
 6. Cease the chilling or refrigeration of ale
 7. Speak as if you are a member of the cast in Monty Python's Flying
    Circus.
 8. Return London Bridge
 9. Declare war on Quebec
10. Learn how to make a decent cup of tea
11. Correctly pronounce the following place names: Leicester, Worcester
    Gloucester
12. Teach irony in schools
13. Accept mass immigration of FILTH (Failed In London Try Hawaii)

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be in contact with you
shortly to ensure the acquisition of all taxation revenues due (backdated
with interest to 1776 of course).

Thank you for your cooperation and ... cheerio!

S. Mouchly Smedley, O.B.E., K.B.E.,
D.Sc.(Hon) Overseas Territorial Commissioner of Entanglements