[lfjokes] sick of election humour yet?

[Adam Shand]

From: "null at spack.org" <null at spack.org>
URL: http://www.suntimes.com/output/roeper/roep23.html

`Floridian Rhapsody': Bush vs. Gore in verses 

November 23, 2000

BY RICHARD ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST 

I'll tell you what it is, it's a "Bohemian Rhapsody" is what it is.

Chorus of Democrats and Republicans:

Is this the real vote? Is this just fantasy?

No Bush or Gore landslide, so we're mired in legalities

Almost a tie, both sides tell their lies with such ease . . .

Bush:

I'm just a rich boy, I need no sympathy

Because I'm easy come, easy go

I dropped the booze, I don't do blow

Anyway the vote goes doesn't really matter, to me

Mama, just love this ranch

Stocked my pond with fresh sea bass

How I love the upper class!

Mama, life is such good fun

But now they're trying to take it all away!

Mama, oooh, didn't mean to run for prez

But you know I always do what daddy sez

If I don't win this thing by noon tomorrow

I'll carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Gore:

Too late, my campaign's done, but I'm still working all the time

Poaching votes is not a crime!

Goodbye, everybody--no wait, I just can't go!

Let's count the chads and never ever face the truth

Bush:

Mama, ooooo, I don't mean to bitch

Sometimes I wish I'd never been born so rich

Bouncy piano interlude!

Gore:

I see a little silhouetto of a chad

Chorus:

You're a mooch, you're a mooch, will you do the recount tango?

Pregnant chads and backbiting, very very frightening to see!

Broward County, Palm Beach County

Broward County, Palm Beach County

Broward County, Volusia County, Tallahassee-oh-oh-oh!

Bush:

I'm just a rich boy, nobody loves me

Chorus:

He's just a rich boy from a rich family

They treat the White House like a Bush legacy!

Gore:

He's so dumb, I'm the one, will you give me votes?

Chorus (Republicans only):

Be still you wonk! You cannot have the votes!

Be still you wonk! You cannot have the votes!

Be still you wonk! You cannot have the votes!

Gore:

Can I have the votes?

Chorus (Republicans only):

Cannot have the votes!

No no no no no no no no!

Bush:

Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia keep my votes!

Chorus:

Beelzebub has a butterfly ballot for thee, for thee ...

Rockin' guitar solo!

Gore:

So you think you can beat me on the very first try?

So you think the recounts can't be done on the sly?

Oh Dubya, can't do this to me Dubya

We'll just keep counting, till I take the oath come next year!

Rockin' guitar solo gives way to orchestral crescendo and then a 
plaintive piano ...

Chorus:

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah, ooh yeah

Gore:

Nothing really matters, as the country plainly sees

Bush:

Nothing really matters, cuz Al is just like me

Chorus:

Any way the votes go ...

Gong.