[lfjokes] Choose Your Own Election

[Adam Shand]

yes that's right!  even MORE election humor.

From: kevin zollinger <kevin at zollinger.org>
By:   Eric Lipton <www.lettuce.org>

Note: Details can change without notice.

START HERE:

1. The Florida Supreme Court has voted 4-3 to allow hand recounts in the
2000 presidential election. The Bush campaign has appealed, asking for an
injunction.

 - If Bush's appeals are heard by the Supreme Court, go to 2.
 - If the appeal is ignored, and the count commences immediately,go to 4.

2. The US Supreme Court meets, reviews the case and decides something.

 - If they decide not to hear it, or that the Florida high court was fair,
   go to 4.
 - If they decide that the ruling is full of it, and subsequently toss it
   out, go to 5.
 - If they repeat themselves, and ask the Florida Supreme Court to review
   their decision and send it back, go to 11.

3. The recount is finally completed! What an effort!
 - If they finish by December 12, go to 6.
 - If they finish after December 12, and find that Bush wins, go to 5.
 - If they finish after December 12, and find that Gore wins, go to 7.
 - If they don't finish by December 18, go to 5.

4. The recounts are on!
 - If the courts specifies exactly what kind of ballot markings count as a
   vote, go to 9.
 - If the courts continue to leave this matter vague, go to 10.

5. It's all over! Bush wins! Or does he?
 - If 2 electors defect from Bush and vote for Gore, go to 22.
 - If all the electors do as they're told, go to 23.

6. As of this writing, Bush started up with 154 votes over Gore, so with
   the count done...
 - If Gore gains more than 154 votes, go to 12.
 - If Bush maintains his lead, go to 5.

7. If December 12 comes and goes without the recounts being completed, the
   GOP-led Florida State Legislature has made it clear they want to vote
   their own slate of pro-Bush electors to the electoral college.

 - If they decide to do vote their own electors, even if Gore wins,go to 8.
 - If they don't, go to 19.

8. It's a crazy electoral college crisis! If Gore won the vote in Florida,
   then he has rightful claim to the 25 Florida electors. But the state
   legislature sent 25 Florida Bush electors too! Were bordering on chaos
   here! It's time for the US Congress to step in. Go to 15.

9. Thanks to the clear specifications by the Florida Supreme Court, there 
   is no debate over what qualifies as a vote, and it's done in a timely
   manner. Go to 3.

10. Confusion reigns, in the counting rooms and amongst pundits discussion
    the recounts. There are several more court cases, annoyingly slowing
    this down. Go to 3.

11. The Florida Supreme Court rethinks everything, and sends it back with 
    the clarification requested by the US Supreme Court. Go to 4.

12. Gore is the rightful winner of the Florida election and the electoral
    college providing you believe in votes counting and stuff.

 - If Bush and the GOP bow out gracefully, go to 18.
 - If they don't, and the state legislature votes Bush's electors in
   anyway, go to 8.

13. Regardless of whether Bush or Gore won, the Florida Leg has sent their
    own folks to the electoral college.

 - If this happened, and Bush was still the vote winner as of December 18,
   go to 6.
 - If this happened, and Gore was the winner as of December 18, go to 8.

14. Civil War! Tanks roll into Washington as fires fill the Congressional
    halls and the White House turns red with blood. Yes, for those of you
    who remember the classic Choose-Your-Own-Adventure "UFO 54-40" this is
    one of those surprise ending you can only find by cheating and
    breaking the rules.  But in the bizarre election year, anything is
    possible, so there you go.

15. Only two years after the impeachment of Clinton, the US Congress is
    again has the role of picking the leader of the free world. This is
    serious stuff. It's now early January, and in a cold winter's session,
    both the House and Senate have to vote which Florida slate is legit,
    and they have to agree! The GOP controls the House, the Senate is
    split 50-50 with Al Gore himself being the tie-breaking vote! It's
    chaos again.

 - Do the House and Senate disagree? Go to 16.
 - Does the House vote for Bush and the Senate tie for both Gore and Bush?
   Go to 20.
 - Do a couple Democratic senators decide to break ranks and vote for
   Bush? Go to 5.
 - Do they decide to seat Gore? Go to 18.

16. The Congress can't agree, House and Senate are divided as to whom will 
    be the next President of the United States. January 20th is coming up.
    So, it falls to the chief executive of the state with the confused
    slate to make the decision. In this case, Florida Governor John Edward
    "Jeb" Bush.

 - Does Jeb decide to avoid the wrath of history? Go to 17.
 - Does Jeb pick his big brother? Go to 5.

17. Don't delude yourself. Go to 5.

18. It's over! Gore wins! He has successfully won the most contested 
    Presidency in peacetime U.S. history and right wing talk radio has
    more fodder than they can deal with for four years. But who cares,
    there's a lot of Tipper smooching ahead, and America.

19. Yeah, right.. Go to 13.

20. Al Gore has to break the tie. But is it a conflict of interest to vote
    for yourself at a time like this.

 - Al Gore decides that it is unethical to vote for himself, and recuses
   himself. Go to 21.
 - Al Gore votes for himself. Go to 16.

21. It'll be a frosty day in Hades before that'll happen. So go to 18.

22. Two electors, citing his win in the popular vote, decide to give the 
    election to Al Gore. It's seems like constitutional chaos, but all
    part of America's arcane system.
 
 - Does Al Gore accept these defections? Go to 18.
 - Does Al Gore make a moving speech to the American people, stating that
   he doesn't want to win on a technicality? Go to 21.

23. Ladies and Gentlemen -- Our 43rd President: George W. Bush.America
    unites around him, and Fox News struts around with an "I told you so"
    smirk about it's collective news face. Meanwhile, federal agents storm
    the Voter News Service headquarters just days after inauguration.