[lfjokes] Microsoft loses designation as "The Evil Empire"

[Adam Shand]

From: Dustin Andrews <dustin at dyndrea.com>
URL:  http://news.excite.com/news/ap/010111/19/aol-time-warner2

The designation of "Evil Empire" has been usurped from Microsoft. News
sources disclosed today the the dreaded Time Warner AOL merger was in it's
final stages, having cleared FCC hurdles. According to one AOL insider who
wished to remain anonymous "This merger is unstoppable. Muhahahaha, soon
our dreadnought will sweep over the planet!"

Chairman and CEO of AOL, Stave Case said "There may be some confusion for
a few months about who is being refered to by the phrase Evil Empire, but
we have some immediate plans to erased all doubt about who really Evil. In
fact, we never really felt Microsoft was living up to the title. At most
they were misguided, but never truly Evil." Case continued in a mocking
voice "Not even the mighty Microsoft can stop our unholy army now."

Time Warner Chairman Gerald Levin followed by saying "We control the
media. We control the medium. People will go where we say. People will go
when we say. Advertising revenue will fall down from heaven like mana."
These comments were broadcast to the cheering legions of minions employed
by the new behemoth.

Industry analysts have been surprisingly quiet on what this could mean for
media and culture in the U.S. and indeed the world. Comments by detractors
saying that the indusrty analysts all work for Time-Warner publications
were dismissed as the ravings of paraniod psychos.

Internet freedom fighters and Microsoft Corperation found themselves in
strange harmony on their opposition to this move. "We have been battling
Microsoft for so long we were blinded to the moves by AOL-Time-Warner,"
commented Commander Taco of the Slashdot orginization, "We realize now
that the beast was playing us off against each other. Microsoft was never
our enemy. Sure we still think that Microsoft may have crossed the line a
little and abused it's power, but they only crossed the line a little and
I can see how they could feel they never really crossed it.
Aol-Time-Warner has not just crossed that line, but erased it. Microsoft
was merely a monopoly. AOL-Time-Warner has achiever hegemony."

Microsoft's Bill Gates would only say that he was "Deeply troubled" by the
merger.

AOL-Time-Warner in a press release announced it was going to buy the only
flying monkey factory in the world and scale it up to create flying
monkeys at a rate never seen before. They did not announce what they
planned to do with these evil flying minions, but sources close to the
company indicated it was for some new advertising campaign codenamed "The
Riegn Of Darkness".

In a seperate statement the Company is looking to hire a new vice
president of the newly formed Secret Police division. The company says
they are looking for a strong leader who is not squeamish about enforcing
company policy.

Microsoft Stock dropped 3.8% on the news.