[lfjokes] Little Johnny.

[Craig Wright]

Stolen from The Sickos List (Maintained by Simondo)

        LITTLE JOHNNY ....ON SEX
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him
sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in
preparation of having sex with his wife.
         Johnny's father in an attempt to hide his full erection with a
condom on it
bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously "What
ya doin dad?"
         His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath
the bed."
         To which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"
         =========================================

         LITTLE JOHNNY AND THE VAGINA
         Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson
one
day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said,
"Johnny, this is where you come from."
         Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all
his
friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."
         "Why?" one asked. Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said,
"Because I came this close to being a turd."
         =========================================

         LITTLE JOHNNY ... THE SMART ASS
         A traveling salesman rings the doorbell and 10-year-old Little
Johnny
answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.  The salesman says,
"Little boy, is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet
and says, "What the fuck do you think?"
         =========================================

         LITTLE JOHNNY ... ON MATH
         Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6"
"But that's right!" "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the
fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!
         =========================================
         LITTLE JOHNNY ... ON ENGLISH
         Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are
going
to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?' Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me,
me!'
Miss Rogers: All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
         =========================================

         LITTLE JOHNNY ... ON THE GAMES
         Little Johnny came running into the house and asked,"Mommy,can
little girls have babies?"  "No," said his Mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his
friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
         =========================================

         LITTLE JOHNNY ... ON THE BATHROOM
         Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he
needed
to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!"
The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in
this
situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the
word
'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had
bigger tits, you'd be a ten!"
         =========================================
         LITTLE JOHNNY ... BEAUTIFUL
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for
a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in
the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded
with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful
in it." "Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and
it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table,
my sister
told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ....just
fucking beautiful!'"