[lfjokes] Baked beans.

[Craig Wright]

Received from Lucy.

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one
day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they
would marry she thought to herself, " He is so sweet and gentleman,
he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme
sacrifice, and in the end she gave up the beans.

Some months later, her car broke down on the way home from work.
Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she
would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a
small diner and the odour of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any
ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped
at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of
baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted. And upon arriving home she
felt reasonably sure she could control it.

Her husband seemed excited to see her, he exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded
her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he
was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone
rang.

He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He
then went to answer the phone. The baked beans she had consumed were
still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable,
so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity,
shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it
smelled like a fertiliser truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood
mill.
She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she
shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of
cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other
room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone
farewells signalled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more
times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it,
smiling contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her
husband returned, apologising for taking so long, he asked her if she
peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the
blindfold, and she was surprised!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy
Birthday"!