[lfjokes] some quotes

[Adam Shand]

my favorite is the tiger woods one.  that is, of course, assuming that he
actually said such a colourfull thing.  which is unlikely.

Submitted by: Herr ToddoT Nagengast <todd at gnosh.net>

This are unverified. They may not have been said, or they may have been
said by someone else. That's tough.

Women might be able to fake orgasms but men can fake whole relationships."
--Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder of Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid
problem?'" --Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
--Courtney Cox (as Monica on "Friends")

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." --Tiger Woods

"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'
--Patricia Arquette

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack
Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." --Barbara Bush (Former
US First Lady)

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet" --Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself." --Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable
undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other
women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are
just grateful." --Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are
having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe
swelling. So what's the problem?" --Dustin Hoffman

"When the sun comes up, I have morals again" --Elizabeth Taylor

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I know
what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." --Jerry Seinfield

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house." --Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only
enough blood to run one at a time." --Robin Williams --

It ain't so much the things you don't know that get you in trouble. It's
the things you know that just ain't so. -- Artimus Ward, 1834-1867

Put another way: You can always spot a well informed man - his views are
the same as yours. -- Ilka Chase