[lfjokes] Tips for shopping at Target

[Adam Shand]

From: Herr ToddoT Nagengast <todd at gnosh.net>

Things to do at Target while your spouse or friend is taking his/her sweet
time.

1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they
   don't realize it.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout
   the day.

3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've
   got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn
   the volumes to "10."

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Put M&M's on layaway.

8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite
   them in if they bring pillows from Domestics.

10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't
    you people just leave me alone?"

11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you
    pick your nose.

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield
    with G. I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

14. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk
    if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

15. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission
    Impossible."

17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

18. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various
    funnels.

19. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things
    like "Pick me! Pick me!!"

20. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
    position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

21. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you
    don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

22. Go into the dressing room and yell real loud... "Hey, we're out of
    toilet paper in here!"