[lfjokes] Amazing stuff, that vaseline...

[Simondo]

From: simondo <simondo at paradise.net.nz>

 This a story about a couple who had been happily married for 40 years
 
 The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of  farting
 loudly every morning when he woke. The noise would wake his wife and the
 smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
 
 Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
  was making her sick. He told her he couldn't shop it and that it  was
 perfectly natural. She told him to see a Doctor, she was concerned that one
 day he would blow his guts out.
 
 The years went by and he continued to rip them out!  Then one Thanksgiving
 morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was  upstairs
 sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey  innards
 and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought
 came to her.
 
 She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and
 gently pulling back the bed covers she pulled back the elastic waistband of
 his underpants and emptied the turkey guts into his shorts.
 
 Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
 which was followed by a blood curding scream and the sound of frantic
 footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she
 rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes.  After years of  torture she
 reckoned she had got her own back.
 
 About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
 underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked
 him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All those  years
 you warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean," asked his
 wife.
 "Well, you always told me that on day I would end up farting my guts
 out and today it finally happened. But.......by the grace of God,  some
 Vaseline and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back  in.