[lfjokes] Ali G meets John Elton...

[Simondo]

From: simondo <simondo at paradise.net.nz>

    ...this is apparently going to be televised very soon
    - but Elton John is trying to stop the broadcast -
    can't imagine why!



    Ali G: Alo! I is ere wiv none uver dan da batty boy
    of pop, John Elton. Respect.
    Elton John: It's Elton John actually Ali.
    Ali G: Aiih, whatever. So John, is you always been a
    batty boy cause I erd dat you woz once married -
    although I also erd dat da missus was mingin?
    Elton John: Well Ali if you mean have I always been
    gay then probably deep down I was but maybe fought it
    because in my younger days especially it was not
    socially acceptable to be gay.
    Ali G: Fer real, but when you was gettin' jiggy did
    you fink about people like James Dean and that Jonny
    Rottweiler who was tarzan so you wouldn't end up wiv a
    floppy or woz you tris*xual and didn't care where you
    was stickin' Mr biggy?
    Elton John: Again I probably fought hard to convince
    myself wasn't gay so I never had a problem maintaining
    an er*ction with women. I now know I am homos*xual so
    I would probably struggle to get aroused with a woman
    now.
    Ali G: Wow, I fink I might be homos*xual then cause
    Mr biggy wasn't coming out to play last Saturday night
    although ma Julie says it woz coz I drank a bottle of
    Dan Jackiels and had about 6 spl*ffs. I fink it woz
    coz me Julie isn't very subtractive now in fact she's
    a dog.
    Elton John:I think you're Julie was right - it takes
    one to know one.
    Ali G: Wot, is you saying me Julie is a batty boy?
    Nah, the b*tch won't take it up the exit hole, I've
    tried slipping it in a few times. Happarently Julie is
    too nice a girl for batty s*x but she's not too nice
    for a threesome wiv me mate Dave - it woz wicked!
    Elton John: Well a lot of women are not keen on anal
    s*x just as I know some gay men who are not keen on it
    either. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that you
    have to like it - there are other ways to express
    yourself s*xually with another man.
    Ali G: Eh? Like fellatilatio you mean or gaelic.
    Elton John: Gaelic?
    Ali G: Aiih, gaelic. When batty boys lick each other.
    Elton John: Sure, oral s*x is one way of pleasing a
    lover but sensual massage can be very enjoyable for
    example.
    Ali G: But dat is a bit rank innit - ah mean you need
    to lose you're orange juice or what is da point?
    Anyways enough talk about homosapiens - I hear dat you
    spend killions of dosh every year on shopping. Is dat
    because you is a feminist?
    Elton John: I do spend a lot of money on shopping yes
    but I wouldn't describe myself as a feminist.
    Ali G: But I thought dat all gay people were
    feminists?
    Elton John: Eh?
    Ali G: Chill. Anyway, is you related to dat lefty
    comedian Ben Elton cause I fink he is rank.
    Elton John: No, I told you before my name is Elton
    John and not John Elton.
    Ali G: Cool, woz your parents spaced out when dey
    named you?
    Elton John: No, that's not my real name but my stage
    name. Many performers change their names to try to
    sound more appealing to the public. Take Gary Glitter
    for example, his name is really Paul Gadd - can you
    imagine the same guy selling so many records as Paul
    Gadd or me as Reg Dwight.
    Ali G: Nah, but I can imagine him taking some poor
    kiddies up the Gary Glitter coz he's a paedovile
    innit. Anyways, talkin of sickos - how's yer mate
    George Michael - I would never let my son go down on
    him the preverted bastard.
    Elton John: OK so George made a mistake - anyway I
    thought you said enough of the gay talk. I'd much
    rather you concentrated on another aspect of me.
    Ali G: Me know what you is saying, sorry Mr Elton. OK
    then, does you not fink dat you looks rank wearing a
    wig? Ah mean you looked a total d*ck in the seventies
    wiv da shades but everyone looked like d*cks in da
    seventies.
    Elton John: If you're going to insult me any more I
    will walk out of the interview - I can put up with a
    lot but you're going too far
    Ali G: Chill Johnny, no offence. OK - you re-wrote
    dat Candle in the Wind song when Princess Di got
    wasted, do you fink she was incinerated by da SAS on
    da Queens orders or do you fink it woz just down to
    dat p*ssed French c*nt.
    Elton John: Really Ali, Princess Diana was a very
    dear personal friend of mine whom I loved very much -
    I don't want to discuss it.
    Ali G: You loved her, but how could you if you is a
    batty boy? Is she a femisist or somefink?
    Elton John: (Elton leaves the room)
    Ali G: Nil respect to da menstral batty boy of pop -
    some people is just too sensidine. It must be all da
    years hangin wiv da homosapiens and havin his batty
    bashed. Anyways I is off for some erbal remedy wiv me
    boyz westside. Boyakasha