[lfjokes] chief muckity-muck

[Adam Shand]

okay this is too fucking funny.  it makes me once again appreciate the
internet and feel hope for eternal youth.

note this is just the first, and least funny of the pages, you really need
to go to the web site and read the rest.

for those not part of the digital illiteratia (heh) this is a one mans
response to one of the larger and more sucessful internet scams that has
been going on for quite a while.

adam.

From: http://thespamletters.com/letter.shtml?spamID=101&sortBy=d&start=15

Subject: Re: REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE
To: hamza kalu <hamzakalu at yahoo.com>
From: Jonathan Land <jland at incomplete.net>
Date: 07/16/2001

OFFICE OF THE CO-ORDINATOR,
CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL,
NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION(NNPC).

DR HAMZA KALU, FAX: 234 1 7590371

ATTN: Jonathan Land,

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

I AM DR HAMZA KALU, THE CO-ORDINATOR OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA
CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL OF THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM
CORPORATION(NNPC).  SOMETIME AGO, A CONTRACT WAS AWARDED TO A CONGLOMERATE
OF FOREIGN COMPANIES BY MY COMMITTEE ON BEHALF OF (NNPC),THE CONTRACT WAS
OVER INVOICED TO THE TUNE OF US$24.5 MILLION. THIS WAS DONE DELIBERATELY,
THE OVER INVOICING WAS A DEAL BY MEMBERS OF MY COMMITTEE TO BENEFIT FROM
THE PROJECT, WE NOW DESIRE TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY WHICH IS PRESENTLY IN A
SUSPENSE ACCOUNT OF THE NNPC IN THE DEBT RECONCILIATION COMMITEE(DRC) INTO
AN OVERSEAS ACCOUNT WHICH WE EXPECT YOU TOPROVIDEFOR US.

Dr. Kalu,

I'd be more than happy to help... but I've recently received another offer
like this that gave me 30% of the cut of even more money. You bump my
share up to 35%, and I'm your man.

Dr. Jonathan Land

P.S. I see that you're a doctor. I'm a doctor too! I'm just curious, what
was your field of study, or are you a real PhD-doctor like me?

BENEFITS:

FOR PROVIDING THE ACCOUNT WHERE WE SHALL REMIT THE MONEY, YOU WILL BE
ENTITLED TO 25% OF THE MONEY, 70% WILL BE FOR ME AND MY PARTNERS, WHILE 5%
HAS BEEN MAPPED OUT FROM THE TOTAL SUM TO COVER ANY EXPENSES THAT MAY BE
INCURRED BY US DURING THE COURSE OF THIS TRANSACTION, BOTH LOCAL
ANDINTERNATIONAL EXPENSES.I WOULD REQUIRE: A. NAME AND ADDRESS OF
COMPANY/BENEFICIARY B. YOUR BANK ACCOUNT NUMBER, BANK ADDRESS AND
INFORMATION (THAT YOU HAVE 100% CONTROL OVER). THE ABOVE INFORMATION WOULD
BE USED TO MAKE FORMAL APPLICATIONS AS A MATTER OF PROCEDURE FOR THE
RELEASE OF THE MONEY FOR ONWARD TRANSFER TO YOUR ACCOUNT. IT DOES NOT
MATTER WHETHER OR NOT YOUR COMPANY OR YOU PERFORMED CONTRACT PROJECTS OF
THE NATURE DESCRIBED HERE, THE ASSUMPTION IS THAT YOU WON A MAJOR CONTRACT
AND SUB-CONTRACTED OUT TO OTHER COMPANIES. MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, BIG
TRADING COMPANIES OR INDIVIDUALS OF UNRELATED FIELD WIN MAJOR CONTRACTS
AND SUB-CONTRACTS IT OUT TO MORE SPECIALISED FIRMS FOR EXECUTION OF SUCH
CONTRACTS.WE HAVE STRONG AND RELIABLE CONNECTIONS AND CONTACTS AT THE DEBT
RECONCILIATION COMMITEE(DRC) AND THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE (FMF) AND
WE HAVE NO DOUBTS THAT ALL THIS MONEY WILL BE RELEASED AND TRANSFERED IF
WE GET THE NECESSARY FOREIGN PARTNERINTHIS DEAL.

THEREFORE, WHEN THE BUSINESS IS SUCCESSFULLY CONCLUDED, WE SHALL THROUGH
OUR SAME CONNECTIONS WITHDRAW ALL DOCUMENTS USED FROM ALL THE CONCERNED
GOVERNMENT MINISTRIES FOR 100% SECURITY.WE WANT THIS MONEY TO BE
TRANSFERED TO THE OVERSEAS ACCOUNT WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO PROVIDE FOR SAFE
KEEPING PENDING WHEN WE WILL DETERMINE HOW WE WANT OUR PORTION OF
THEMONEY, ALL EXPENSES REGARDING THE ACCOUNT OPENING IF NOT ALREADY IN
EXISTENCE SHALL BE BORNE BY YOU, ALL EXPENSES ARE HOWEVER REIMBURSEABLE AS
ALREADY STATED ABOVE ON CONCLUSION OF BUSINESS.PLEASE, CONTACT ME
IMMEDIATELY THROUGH FAX OR EMAIL WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS
DEAL, SO THAT IF YOU ARE NOT, IT WILL ENABLE ME SCOUT FOR ANOTHER FOREIGN
PARTNER TO CARRY OUT THIS DEAL. FORTUNATELY, IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, SEND
THE REQUIRED INFORMATION MENTIONED THROUGH MY DIRECT FAX NUMBER:234 1
7590371 AT ANYTIME OF THE DAY OR THROUGH EMAIL. FOR MORE DETAILS ON THIS
BUSINESS, SEND ME A FAX OR EMAIL.I AWAIT INANTICIPATION FOR YOUR
COOPERATION.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
DR HAMZA KALU.