[lfjokes] Which one are you...?

[Simondo]

From: simondo <simondo at paradise.net.nz>

There's a common theme developing amongst the guy's drinks here.... 
Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify personality on what 
drinks were chosen. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on 
almost all counts. 

 The results: 

 IF WOMEN DRINK: 
 Drink : Beer. 
 Personality : Casual, low maintenance; down to earth. 
 Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool. 

 Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella. 
 Personality : Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass. 
 Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy. 

 Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas 
 Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants. 
 Approach : If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink. 

 Drink : Wine - (bottled not 4 litre cask) 
 Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated. 
 Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation. 

 Drink : Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc 
 Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has 
 absolutely no clue. 
 Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is...and you're in. 

 Drink : Baileys. 
 Personality : Annoying voice, bit of a tart. 
 Approach : Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub. 

 Drink : Shorts (Vodka, Aftershock etc.). 
 Personality : Hanging with male pals or looking to get drunk...and naked. 
 Approach : Easiest hit in the pub. Nothing to do but wait. 

 IF MEN DRINK: 

 Cider : He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid. 

 Cheap Domestic Beer : He's poor / student and wants to get laid. 

 Premium Local Beer : He likes good beer and wants to get laid. 

 Bitter : He's old, he likes good beer and wants to get laid. 

 Imported Beer : He likes expensive beer and wants to get laid 

 Guinness : The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another. 

 Wine : He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image 
  and help him get laid. 

  Vodka or Brandy : Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. 
 Desperate to get laid. 

  Port : Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid. 

 Whisky : He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who 
 will get in his way of getting laid. 

 Jack Daniels : Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about 
 feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.)to weasel himself into getting 
 laid. 

 Tequila : Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid. 

 Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc : He's gay (Blatantly).