[lfjokes] Increase your word power...

[Simondo]

From: simondo <simondo at paradise.net.nz>

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked 
to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some 
of this year's winning entries: 

1.  Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.  
2.  Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 
3.  Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.  
4.  Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.  
5.  Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent 
6.  Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly 
answer the door in your nightie.  
7.  Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.  
8.  Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.  
9.  Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are 
run over by a steamroller.  
10.  Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.  
11.  Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.  
12.  Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a 
proctologist immediately before he examines you.  
13.  Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish 
expressions.  
14.  Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.  
15.  Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes 
up on the roof and gets stuck there.  
16.  Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.