[lfjokes] McDonald Douglas Warranty Registration

[Adam Shand]

Via: kevin zollinger <kevin at zollinger.org>

This is funny. If you don't think so you may be upper management at 
McDonnell-Douglas. This allegedly was posted very briefly on the McDonnell- 
Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. 
The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor and made the web 
department take it down immediately.. ...

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to 
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the 
warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not 
required, but the information will help us to develop new products that 
best meet your needs and desires.

1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: ................................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ..................................
Password: ............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:..................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .....................

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../......./......

4. Serial Number:.........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product 
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision 
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Back Room politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Afghanistan
[_] Iraq
[_] Iran
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to 
purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all 
that apply.)
[_] Communist
[_] Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the 
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating 
on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers 
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you 
better in the future-as well as allowing you to receive mailings and 
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and 
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be 
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! 
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write 
to:  McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace. 


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