[lfjokes] Real Drs and Nurses

[Simondo]

Gotta love the bedridden one :)

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in 
the cab!"  I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's 
dress, and began to take off her underwear.  Suddenly I noticed that 
there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, 
San Antonio, TX   


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and 
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I 
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remarks the patient. Dr. Richard 
Byrnes, Seattle, WA   


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her 
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five 
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he 
had died of a "massive internal fart." Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, 
Canada   



I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I 
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your 
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your 
left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was 
silence.  He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and 
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing 
there with both his eyes covered.  I was laughing too hard to finish the 
exam. Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA   


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, 
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his 
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch.  The nurse told me to put 
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it! 
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't 
see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the 
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. 
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA   


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked," How long 
have you been bedridden?"  After a look of complete confusion she 
answered..."Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive." 
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR   


I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your 
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. 
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked 
to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." 
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI   


A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple 
hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and 
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the 
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate 
surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the 
staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there 
was a tattoo that read," Keep off the grass. Once the surgery was 
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, 
which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."