[lfjokes] Dental Hygiene Tips

[Morgan Likely]

As the old saying goes, "Ignore your teeth, and they'll go away." Here are
some helpful hints for keeping that smile bright and healthy for years to
come:

Maintaining an entire mouthful of 32 healthy teeth can be a daunting task.
Instead, just focus on 10 or 12 of your favorites.

Toothbrush technology has made remarkable leaps in recent years. Select a
toothbrush so advanced, you have no clue how to use it.

If, while flossing, your gums begin to bleed, give them at least six
months to heal before attempting to floss again.

Befriend a tiny African bird with whom you can develop a symbiotic
relationship in which he picks fragments of food from your teeth.

Avoid patronizing dentists who received their degrees from the University
Of Berlin Dental School between 1932 and 1945.

To reduce wear and tear on your teeth, stick to soft foods like pudding
and frosting.

Contrary to what today's kids think, it is not cool to have Shane MacGowan
teeth.

Remember those red tablets they used to pass out at school that, when
chewed, revealed the invisible plaque on your teeth? Those were so cool.

Brushing should always be done up and down, not with violent stabbing
motions.

Brush in the morning and before bed, as well as before and after every
meal. Quit your job if necessary.

If Toothopolis is threatened by the Cavity Creeps, immediately activate
the alarm that shouts, "Cre-est!... Cre-est!"

If you wear dentures, avoid soaking them in Coca-Cola overnight.

An electric toothbrush is an excellent choice if you are such a lazy fuck
that you can't even move a toothbrush up and down.

Dentists have built an entire industry on the perception that they and
they alone can provide dental care. Come on, use your common sense.

*****
I've always been ready for when push comes to shove, but I was unprepared when push came to uppercut, broken bottle, and
meat saw.