[lfjokes] Warning!

[simondo]

 A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE!:
 
  The World Health Organisation today issued a new warning against
 non-essential travel to the entire Western hemisphere following renewed
 concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of Perspective Syndrome (SLOPS).
 Officials are warning travellers not to visit the UK, the US, almost all
 of Western Europe, and Canada, following further outbreaks of the disease,
 which has led to mass panic among the media, thousands of ecstatic
 children being kept out of school by their credulous and moronic parents, and
 increased profits for DIY stores as the idiot public rush to bulk-buy face
 masks and boiler suits.
 
 A WHO spokesman said, "You'd be much better off going to somewhere like
 Thailand or China, because all you've got to worry about there is SARS,
 and let's face it, you're about as likely to die from that as you are to get
 kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns."
 
 The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months,
 which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only
 kills around 3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly effects only
 darkies what speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least one English
 person feel a bit iffy for a couple of days, and is therefore considered
 much more serious.
 
 The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic proportions, with many
 high-level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid spread
 of SLOPS has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for
 Western leaders to give the public something to worry about. Otherwise,
 they might start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic issues, and that
 simply would not do.
 
 Anyone who appears to be exhibiting symptoms of SLOPS should be dragged
 into the street by their genitals and shot.