[lfjokes] For the rugby crowd...

[simondo]

> International Rugby Board (IRB) Rugby World Cup 2003 


 
 Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being allowed 
 to motivate themselves by performing the 'Haka' before their games, 
 other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own. The 
 IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed to the 
 following pre-match displays: 
 
 a.. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the 
 air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they 
 invented the game and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that 
 everyone still thinks New Zealand are the best team in the world. 
 
 b.. The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before 
 smashing an Iron Bru bottle over their opponents' heads. 
 
 c.. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half 
 performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional 
 route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents 
 dressing room. 

 d.. Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh 
 suggestion following representations from the RSPCA. 
 
 e.. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition 
 territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be 
 forcibly removed by the match stewards. 
 
 f.. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more 
 important than the other 13 whom they will imprison between the posts 
 whilst they claim the rest of the pitch for themselves. 
 
 g.. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future 
years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the 
 most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film 
 called 'Saving No.8 Lyle'. 
 
 h.. Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the 
 rest of the team to ransom. 
 
 i.. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the 
female stewards and then run away. 
 
 j.. The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and 
 then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They 
 will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when 
 their appeal for compensation against the UK Government will be heard. 
 
 k.. The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good 
 salaries to the key opposition players and then run around the pitch at 
 high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the ground (with a 
 subsidy from the UK Government). 
 
 l.. The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the 
 opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the 
 halfway line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the 
 delight of Wales!) and burn the officials. 
 
 m.. The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative 
 singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their 
 mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.".