[lfjokes] New Airplane Traffic Control Regulations

[Adam Shand]

Via: Herr Todd
More: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uslatest/story/0,1282,-3596229,00.html

Penned by Miguel Branco da Silva:

"Flight Attendant, 47Alfa with you requesting clearance for toilette
4Bravo."

"47Alfa, Roger, eye contact, please advise estimate time to piss."

"FA, ahh... estimating 10 minutes, I think I can hold 5 minutes more,
47Alfa."

"Copy, please stand-bye."

"37Delta, please confirm vacate toilette 4Bravo."

"Affirm, vacating via-right aisle to seat as cleared."

"49Hotel, you are cleared to piss at 4Bravo. Please expedite I have
traffic almost overflowing."

"Roger, cleared for 4B, will do it swiftly, no solids foreseen, 
49Hotel."

"47Alfa, you're cleared to line-up right aisle, facing toilette 4Bravo,
maintain visual with traffic passing heading row 37."

"Roger, line-up right aisle facing 4Bravo, I have traffic on sight,
seems much relieved, 47Alfa."

"Mayday, mayday, mayday, this is 33Echo with solids turning into liquid,
request immediate toilette."

"33Echo, got your mayday, cleared direct toilette 4Bravo, please advise
passing row 45 break break 49Hotel, please expedite and confirm status
break. 47Alfa, sorry I have to put you on hold, please turn right 1-8-0
degrees and walk to the front of the plane. When reaching the galley
turn left and execute a left circuit between galley and wall, beware of
traffic on hold 2 rows below."

"FA, 49Hotel has vacated the toilette 4Bravo."

"Roger, 49Hotel cleared for seat and thank you."

"33Echo you are cleared direct to toilette 4Bravo, if you require
further assistance please contact regular FAs by ringing the toilette
chime. Good luck, sir."

"Roger,... dir.. to....bravo, oh my god."

"33Echo, comm broken, any problem, sir? Please confirm status."

"Well, let's just say the shit already hit my props, and yes, I will
need further assistance now, 33Echo" (with a long and relaxing breath)

*sigh*