[lfjokes] Men are from Mars...

[Adam Shand]

Diary Entry

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women 
differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars 
thing. And I never figured out why men think with their head and women 
think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual 
desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words 
"I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the 
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like 
it. I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT???"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She 
explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a 
woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that 
nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. 
I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very 
expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told 
her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants 
matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go 
to the jewelry department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. 
Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was 
one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she 
was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does 
not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her 
that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and 
you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the 
cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't 
feel like buying all this stuff now."

You should have seen her face. It went completely blank. I then said, 
"Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And 
just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the 
spring of 2008.