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<DIV>Curl Up and Die<BR>I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
kids in tow and<BR>asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?<BR>(Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin)<BR><BR><BR>TX Pad, please!<BR>An insurance
man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage<BR>insurance. He was throwing
a lot of facts and figures at me, and I<BR>wanted to follow as best I could, so
I told my 6-year-old son to run<BR>and get me a pad. He came back and handed me
a Kotex right in front<BR>of our guest.( Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem,
NC)<BR><BR><BR>Ho, Ho, Ho<BR>I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
into the bathroom<BR>and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a
mess, he<BR>looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They<BR>came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each
of<BR>our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the
picture,<BR>laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled,<BR>I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition
to<BR>my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing
nothing<BR>but a camera!<BR><BR><BR>Lady Golfer<BR>I was at the golf store
comparing different kinds of golf balls. I<BR>was unhappy with the women's type
I had been using. After browsing<BR>for several minutes, I was approached by one
of the good-looking<BR>gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could
help me.<BR>Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing<BR>with men's balls'.<BR><BR><BR>Nuts about You<BR>My sister and I were
at the mall and passed by a store that sold a<BR>variety of nuts. As we were
looking at the display case, the boy<BR>behind the counter asked if we needed
any help. I replied, "No, I'm<BR>just looking at your nuts." My
sister started to laugh hysterically,<BR>the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red
and walked away. To this day,<BR>my sister has never let me
forget<BR><BR><BR>Mom's Advice<BR>A teacher noticed that a little boy at the
back of the class was<BR>squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying
attention. She<BR>went back to find out what was going on. He was quite
embarrassed and<BR>whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he
was<BR>quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the
principal's<BR>office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should
do<BR>about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was
a<BR>commotion at the back of the room. She went back to
investigate<BR>only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging
out."I<BR>thought I told you to call your mom?" she
screamed.<BR>"I did," he said, "And she told me
that if I could stick it out<BR>till noon, she'd come and pick
me up from school."</DIV></BODY></HTML>