[wordup] Pimp: The free trading card game

[Adam Shand]

This is pretty funny ...

Via: null at spack.org <null at spack.org>
From: http://www.criticalmiss.com/backissues/issue5/PIMP2.html

 Pimp: The Free Collectible Card Game
[Contents] Written By: Jonny Nexus

Playtesters: Bubba, Bog Boy, Demonic Madman and Evil G

Pimp is a fast-moving, enjoyable and tasteless card game in which two or
more players can try their hand at being pimps. You send your bitches
out into the street to service punters and earn you cash. The pimp who
earns the most cash, wins the game.

Well we did say it was tasteless.

How Is It Free?

Firstly, we should point out that this might only apply to the United
Kingdom. If what we are about to describe doesn't happen in your
country, then sorry, you can't play pimp (unless you visit here).

TELEPHONE BOXES IN BRITISH CITY CENTRES

If you visit central London, and take a look in a phone box, any phone
box, you might be surprised at what you see. The inside will be covered
with literally dozens of small cards advertising prostitutes. (You might
have anything between 20 and 50+ cards in a single phone box, each card
usually about twice the size of a playing card).

These typically have some kind of picture, a vague description of either
the girl, or the services offered (such as "strictly spankable" or
"latin babe"), and a phone number. These are usually nicely printed, in
several colours.

ISN'T PROSTITUTION ILLEGAL IN BRITAIN?

Yes. Which is why everyone always finds it a bit weird that these cards
are there. The thing is that they are careful to make sure that the
cards themselves are not illegally obscene. The pictures don't show
extreme nudity, and the descriptions are vague (they might say "greek"
rather than "anal" for example).

So it's simply a kind of trespass rather than a criminal act. Every few
days the telephone company take them all down, and immediately
afterwards the blokes employed by the prostitutes (called "card boys")
put them back up again.

SO WE'RE JUST SUPPOSED TO GO INTO A PHONE BOX AND, LIKE, TAKE DOWN 50
CARDS AND JUST WALK OFF WITH THEM?

Yes. It's what I did when I was researching this game. In Charing Cross
road. At 5.30 pm on a weekday. Four phone boxes, one after the other.

It was very embarrassing, but if you're quick - and I was bloody quick -
you can do a phone box of around 50 cards in about 30 seconds.

Beats paying a fiver for a 15 cards in a booster pack!

AND YOU CAN JUST TAKE THEM DOWN?

Yeah. They're only attached with bluetack. They used to glue them in,
but then the phone company started prosecuting them for criminal damage.

ISN'T IT LIKE STEALING?

Not really. They're not supposed to be putting them there. It's illegal
advertising. They're litter. This is no more stealing than picking up a
discarded burger wrapper that was thrown away in the street.

A QUICK NOTE ON THAT PREVIOUS ANSWER

The distribution of these cards, being illegal, is probably controlled
in most cases by organised crime syndicates. They might not agree with
the ethical framework we outlined above. In fact, if they catch you
doing it they might kick the living shit out of you.

Be careful. Or at least, be quick.

What Else Do I Need?

Okay, so you've done a few phone boxes and collected a stack of cards.
You might even have called some of the numbers on them, but if you have
- we don't want to know!

(Actually we do. Write to Doctor Bubba and let us know how it went).

As well as your cards, you will also need:

Two sets of differently coloured tokens, about 20-30 of each per player.
We are using green and red glass beads. These represent the pimps money
(green) and influence (red).

A ten sided dice.

The Pimp Solicitation Table Sheet found at the end of these rules.

Something to keep track of turns (a game of pimp lasts 20 turns).

A Note On Gender

The rules for pimp use male pronouns (he, him, his) throughout. This is
mostly for purposes of readability, but also because we think only men
will be sad and pathetic enough to play this game. We think women will
have more taste. But if you are women, and you do want to play this
game, please go right ahead.

Onward...

We've divided the rest of the rules into three sections:

< ... you'll have to see the web site for the links ... >

The Future

Although we have playtested these rules as best we can, inevitably when
you guys get your hands on them you're going to find various flaws.

The rules you find here are version 1.0.

If we find that we have to make any changes, then we will publish an
updated version of the rules in the next issue of Critical Miss.

If you have any comments or queries, please send them to
editor at criticalmiss.com.

We are very interested in demonstrating Pimp at conventions anywhere in
the UK. We would do mainland Europe, but we're scared to take the cards
through customs. If you are organising a convention and would like us to
attend, please contact us at editor at criticalmiss.com.

Finally, we have set up a mailing list for pimp. We will use this
mailing list to send out any announcements relating to pimp, including
conventions where we will be demonstrating it, and any rules changes or
clarifications. If you'd like to join the mailing list it's easy, and
you can do it right now. Just send a mail to: mdaemon at criticalmiss.com