[wordup] IRAQ NOW SAYS U.S. MUST PUBLISH"INTENT TO ATTACK" NOTICE IN BAGHDAD PAPER

[Adam Shand]

Via: Frogster <froggy at paradise.co.nz>
From: http://www.satirewire.com/news/aug02/red_tape.shtml

MORE DELAYS: IRAQ NOW SAYS U.S. MUST PUBLISH
"INTENT TO ATTACK" NOTICE IN BAGHDAD PAPER

U.S. Also Needs Invasion, Demolition, Military Housing Permits

Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — A confusing knot of new Iraqi
regulations that require "non-resident aggressors" to obtain hundreds of
federal and provincial pre-invasion permits and licenses will further
delay any attack on Saddam Hussein, said frustrated U.S. officials who
have also been told they must publish an "Intent to Overthrow" notice in
an Iraqi newspaper of record.
Iraqi Invasion Permit, p. 33

"I'm starting to think all the hassle is just not worth it," complained
U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who has been shuttling back and
forth between Washington and the Iraqi consulate in Paris trying to get
the appropriate paperwork. "We have to get temporary military lodging
permits, heavy equipment usage permits, waivers from provincial
archaeological commissions, you name it."

Added U.S. President George W. Bush: "I keep saying we haven't set a
date for an attack on Iraq, and now I think you can all see why. We even
have to submit an environmental impact study before we can destroy any
buildings."

"They may have asbestos," explained Ibrahim Hekmat, a building inspector
in the Public Works Ministry.

Indeed, according to Mohammed Mahdi Saleh, Iraq's Minister of Military
Intervention and Industry, much has changed in Iraq since the United
States invaded in 1991.

"You can no longer just come in here and demolish a structure or occupy
a city," said Saleh. "You must post a notice in the newspaper to solicit
public comments and submit a form S-14/TQ-3A. And then there are
mandatory public hearings. Our board meets on the second Wednesday of
each month, excluding Ramadan."

If a proposal is accepted, applicants still have to obtain permits and
approvals from dozens of governmental agencies in each of the 18 Iraqi
provinces, including the Al Muthanna Military Intervention Board, the
Mosul Inland Wetlands Council, and the infamous Al-Basrah Historic
District Commission, which has already warned that all non-Iraqi
military weaponry must be made of stone, and that transport vehicles be
painted to look like camels.

Even if the U.S. project is granted the estimated 600 necessary
approvals, the Americans must still obtain a Certificate of Occupation
from local officials in any affected area. And then they may not be able
to stay. According to new immigration laws, anyone planning to remain in
the country for more than six months must obtain a J-6 "Permanent Alien
Aggressor" visa. But Iraq only issues 10,000 J-6 visas a year, and each
soldier must apply in person. To make matters worse, 25 percent of any
invasion force has to be composed of Iraqi electricians.

"Hey, that's not us, that's union," Saleh stressed.

According to White House sources, the entire situation has caused some
Bush aides to suggest invading relatively lax Syria instead.

"I mean, to build a single latrine, we need a Domestic Septage Disposal
Site permit, a Treatment Facility Installer's permit, a Waste Facilities
Management Operating permit, and a Non-Hazardous Solid Waste
Transportation permit," said Rumsfeld. "I'll tell you right now, Iraq
doesn't need presidential reform, it needs regulatory reform."

"That is one reason we have not been successful," offered London-based
Iraqi opposition leader Sharif Ali Bin Al Hussein. "The application for
a C10-33 Indigenous Rebellion permit is 900 pages long."

With international opinion running against an attack on Saddam, Rumsfeld
yesterday said the United States may try to avoid the red tape and
resort to covert operations. The Iraqi Board of Non-Traditional
Interventions and Planning will meet the second Tuesday in September to
consider the proposal.