[wordup] Rushkoff on Flash Mobs

[Adam Shand]

Funny, funny, funny.

Via: Brent Rieck <bsr at spek.org>
From: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2003/08/21mobilization.html

GROUP MOBILIZATION
AS A DESPERATE
CRY FOR HELP

BY CHRISTOPHER MONKS

Hello!

You are invited to take part in a flash mob, the project that creates an 
inexplicable mob of people for ten minutes or less, in the front yard of 
my ex-girlfriend Deborah's house, tomorrow at 6:13 p.m. Please tell 
anybody else that you think might be interested in joining us.

INSTRUCTIONS:

1) We'll meet outside the Crazy Pizza around the corner from Deborah's 
place. Be there by 6 p.m. Please be respectful of Crazy Pizza's 
employees and patrons, and refrain from ordering pizza or Crazy Cinnaballs.

2) At exactly 6:05 p.m. I will pass out slips of paper with general 
instructions and poster boards. One-third of the poster boards will read 
"I will never stop lovin' you, Deborah"; one-third will read "Why do you 
insist on ruining my life?"; and one-third will read "Please don't throw 
out my comic book collection."

3) Once the instructions and poster boards have been passed out, I will 
organize the group. All of the guys who are better looking than me will 
be sent to the back and will be required to wear sad clown masks. If I 
find that a better-looking-than-me guy in a sad clown mask is still 
better-looking than me I will ask him to leave. This may seem a little 
paranoid, but you don't know Deborah like I know Deborah. All of the 
just as good-looking as me guys will be placed in the middle of the 
line, and the guys who I think are uglier than me will get to be in the 
front. Women can choose to be wherever they want.

4) At 6:10 p.m. we will walk over in a silent and orderly fashion to 
Deborah's place. Really hot-looking women are encouraged to walk with 
me, hold my hand, and act like I'm their new boyfriend.

5) We will arrive at Deborah's at 6:13 p.m. sharp. Please arrange 
yourself in Deborah's front yard in the same order you were in while 
walking over. Depending on the size of the mob, some of the 
better-looking than me guys in sad clown masks may have to stand on the 
sidewalk. Please don't complain about it if this is necessary. Be tough.

6) Once we are organized in our appropriate places, everyone should take 
a moment to notice the rhododendron bush in Deborah's yard. I bought 
that for her in celebration of our three-month anniversary. I planted it 
for her, too. While the bush won't be in bloom, please believe me when I 
tell you that its flowers are only eclipsed in beauty by Deborah's 
magnificent emerald green eyes.

7) We will then stand quietly in Deborah's front yard for five minutes 
or until Deborah comes out of her house. If any bystander should happen 
by and ask you what is going on politely answer, "I'm a fan of doughnuts 
and this is the home of the Doughnut Queen."

8) If after five minutes Deborah hasn't come out of her house I will 
ring her doorbell. As soon as Deborah opens her door those people with 
the "I will never stop lovin' you, Deborah" posters should stoically 
raise them above their heads. Everybody else will begin singing the 
Peter Gabriel song "In Your Eyes." Be sure to really sell the tune. No 
mumbling.

9) My bet is that Deborah will be embarrassed at first. She'll blush and 
smile and not know what to say. At 6:19 lower the signs and stop 
singing. It's then when I'll ask her to take me back. However, I'm sure 
that Deborah being Deborah will break my heart yet again. When she does, 
those holding the "Why do you insist on ruining my life?" posters will 
raise them up. Everyone else will then sing "Love Bites" by Def Leppard. 
If you want to try to hum the guitar solo part feel free.

10) This will no doubt make Deborah upset and her ugly side will soon be 
on display for all to see. Don't be afraid; just stand your ground and 
continue singing. She'll probably say means things like, "He still owes 
me $927.00 for back rent" or "He tried to French kiss my sister" but pay 
her no mind. I'm not even attracted to her sister. Honest.

11) Any better-looking than me guy in a sad clown mask that tries to 
take advantage of the situation by offering to console Deborah will be 
asked to leave.

12) As Deborah's calling the police, those holding the "Please don't 
throw out my comic book collection" posters will raise them up. 
Everybody else will sing "If You're Happy and You Know it Clap Your Hands."

13) At 6:23 p.m. or when we hear the sirens, whichever comes first, we 
will disperse in an orderly manner. I may stick around for a bit, but 
don't bother waiting for me; I'll be curled up and crying by the 
rhododendron bush. I feel it is something I just need to do. So go on. 
I'll be alright.

Thanks! I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. It'll be great. Things 
are really starting to look up for me. I can feel it. In the slight 
chance Deborah is not home when we get to her front yard we will return 
to Crazy Pizza, get something to eat, and try again later.