[wordup] 5 Body Mysteries Explained

[Adam Shand]

This is awesome!  I didn't know tonsil stones even existed or that pee  
shivers had a name!  See the original article the pictures which go  
along with the story.

Adam.

Source: http://www.cracked.com/article_15953_sleep-jerk-piss-shivers-5-body-mysteries-explained.html

By Jeff Steinbrunner
The human body is one of the most incredible organisms in the known  
universe, but all that awesomeness carries some pretty weird and hard- 
to-explain baggage. We are here to help shed light on some of those  
body mysteries in the hopes you'll have something intelligent to say  
if you get stuck in an intense debate about the pee shakes or the  
white thing you just coughed up. Read on, get educated and help  
identify those unknown moments when it appears your body is rebelling  
against you. If you're lucky your questions will be answered here, if  
they aren't ... brain tumor.

Falling In Your Sleep (aka The Hypnic Jerk)What's that?
This is that falling sensation and sudden jolt you sometimes feel just  
as you're falling asleep. Scientifically named hypnagogic myoclonic  
twitch, it's also the third leading cause for embarrassment on  
sleepovers, behind bed-wetting and sleep farting. The muscle spasm may  
be light enough to be misinterpreted as a dream or it can be so  
jarring it physically shakes you awake.

It's fairly common (studies say around 70 percent of you have  
experienced it). The likelihood is increased if a person is exhausted  
or is sleeping in an uncomfortable position. That means the working  
poor and the homeless are probably more likely to experience a hypnic  
jerk, though scientists would probably rather not bother asking them.  
As far as recognized members of society, the muscle twitch is a normal  
and well-documented event.

What causes it?
Like any good freakish event, the experts can't agree on what causes  
it. Most researchers feel that when muscles begin to slack while  
preparing for sleep the brain senses and misinterprets the relaxation  
signals, and assumes the body is falling. A little presumptuous on the  
brain's part to go around "assuming" you're falling while lying down.  
Then again it's nice to know the most important organ is on the  
lookout for trapped doors with mattresses on top.

If you want to experience this feeling at your desk just lean back in  
your chair, a little past the point of no return. Once gravity reminds  
you who's boss your body enters that frenzied states of "lost-balance/ 
I hope that girl I like isn't watching." The sensations are so  
physically comparable that the brain analyzes them the same.

Pee Shivers (aka Post-Micturition Convulsion Syndrome)What's that?
Commonly known as the "Pee Shakes" or if you're an adult, the "Piss  
Shivers." It's a tingling sensation down the spine which causes an  
involuntary twitch. Also it is the best excuse to use if you happen to  
piss on your urinal neighbor's shoes while drunk. The uncontrollable  
shaking is similar to the prolonged shivering someone experiences when  
very cold, however others have reported it feels like a miniature  
orgasm. Researchers have since decided to keep golden shower  
enthusiasts out of their surveys.

According to research, 83 percent of males say they've experienced  
this, but only 58 percent of females have gotten the shivers--probably  
the whole "standing vs. sitting" thing.

What causes it?
Inadequate government funding toward piss-related mysteries has lead  
to several "educated guesses" as to why the shaking occurs. Some have  
offered a highly technical and uninteresting explanation involving  
changes in the nervous system when the bladder is relaxed.

The simplest explanation, though, is that the rapid release of warm  
fluid lowers the body's overall temperature leaving it to react the  
same way you would in a cold breeze. Why you don't shake when vomiting  
or giving blood was not answered, because those particular researchers  
apparently decided they had thought about it long enough.

Black Hairy Tongue (aka Black Hairy Tongue)What's that?
Yes, this is a real thing and not a gross-out urban legend. It's the  
appearance of dark hair covering the surface of the tongue. It will  
look like a person lovingly cleaned the exhaust system of a decade-old  
18 wheeler, with the gentle precision a mother cat applies to her own  
litter. This oral ashtray effect is nasty, although an attention  
getter. And everyone loves attention, right?

It could happen to you, too, if you're kind of a filthy person. If  
you'd like to give your mouth a warm fur coat for winter try these  
three steps: 1. Stop brushing your teeth. 2. Enjoy your coffee like  
Kim Kardashian enjoys her men. 3. Smoke; you're not getting any  
younger and it'll make you cool*. If you follow this strict guideline  
your mouth may wind up with a coat that will keep it warm through the  
snowy months, and will block those drafty winds when opened for a make- 
out session.

*Coolness reports based off of 1950s studies and James Dean posters.

What causes it?
Your mouth is teeming with filth. It is a truly perfect swamp for the  
breeding and growth of bacteria and grime. The hairy tongue is an  
overgrowth of these bacteria, and sometimes yeasts that are present.  
Papilla, the finger-like projections from the surface of the tongue,  
become awash in this bacterial stew. In instances of hairy tongue the  
papilla often cease to shed normally, growing longer and creating more  
surface area for the bacteria to attach to. Thus, it grows into  
something that looks terrifyingly like hair.

To help combat such revolting disorder, a person can brush their  
tongue twice a day and rinse their mouth with diluted hydrogen  
peroxide (one part peroxide to five parts water). As astounding as it  
may seem this horrendous affliction offers no immediate threat to your  
health. If you're experiencing it, you may have bigger problems, since  
hairy tongue is common in those involved with intravenous drug use or  
those who are HIV positive. Put in the perspective of those problems a  
furry mouth seems kind of trivial.

Tonsil Stones (aka Tonsiloliths)What's that?
Tonsil Stones are hard, yellowish-white globules that grow in the back  
of the throat and can become dislodged by coughing or sneezing. After  
expelling one of these disgusting lumps for the first time, a person  
may be worried. And if they happen to sniff one of these stones they  
may panic, because the scent leads one to assume their assholes are  
attempting to climb out their throats. These mouth-made stink bombs  
are repulsive, and worst still, oddly fascinating.

There's a good chance you'll wind up with these, if you haven't  
already, assuming you meet two qualifications; you've entered  
adulthood and you still have your tonsils. All the little brats out  
there who begged for tonsillectomies for a week of no school and ice  
cream are not cursed with this ailment, although they are spoiled  
bastards who will never know real love.

What causes it?
Tonsils are the gatekeepers to the esophagus. Maybe that's too  
dramatic; they are more like minimum wage bouncers, keeping out most  
nasty organisms but still letting a few fatties through the door. The  
organs' surfaces are dimpled, like that of a golf ball, and these  
indentations are known as tonsillar crypts. It's a fitting name  
because food dislodged from these crypts does indeed smell like a  
decomposing body. This is due to food particles becoming caught and  
then covered by saliva, dead white blood cells and anaerobic bacteria.  
Wait, we're sorry, were you eating? Anyway, over time layers begin  
building on layers forming larger particles. These majestic throat  
pearls will remain until they become heavy enough to break free and  
swallowed or expelled from the mouth. The particles growth can cause  
discomfort and even mild pain, but that's about it. The sensation  
resembles a feeling of something lodged in the throat. That's mostly  
because there is something lodged in the throat, and we've been  
talking about it this whole time.

Permaboner (aka Priapism)What's that?
This is what they're talking about on those Cialis commercials (" ...  
if your erection lasts more than four hours, consult a physician ...  
"). It is the dreaded prolonged male erection, keeping in mind that an  
educated man's dread is an imbecile's unanswered prayer. Priapism is  
not only a penis that is unable to return to a flaccid state, but it's  
also described as a very painful erection. And we're not talking about  
emotionally painful, either.

The medical community is divided on how much time should constitute a  
case of priapism, but most have settled on six hours, although a  
person should seek medical attention after four (as the commercials  
say). This all occurs in the absence of any sexual stimulus, however  
if you are in possession of enough material to keep it up for almost a  
quarter of a day's time you should look in to some new hobbies.

Thankfully episodes of priapism are not common in the real world; most  
incidents confined to the professionally edited fantasy realms of  
pornography. Unfortunately cases are more common in men who are  
suffering from other diseases, such as sickle cell anemia, that  
prevent blood from flowing back out of said boner.

What causes it?
Although not every facet of the disorder is known, scientists are sure  
all cases happen from injury or damage to the mechanism that produces  
detumescence of the penis. Detumescence is a fancy word for relaxation  
of the penis after orgasm, and is usually accompanied by greater  
clarity in reasoning and maybe remorse, depending on who or what you  
find it inside of when your penis finally relaxes.

This horrible situation sounded awesome to crotchety old men with  
erectile dysfunction, and a pill was invented to cater to their  
elderly lust. This created the second most common group to suffer from  
priapsm, and the easiest go-to joke for hacky stand up comics. "A four  
hour erection? I ain't callin' a doctor, I'm gonna call a hooker!"  
Other punch lines include "call the 6 o'clock news" and "call my old  
girlfriends." All of which you would never call in reality because  
you'd be frightened and in excruciating pain.

Aside from the aforementioned blood disease and Cialis overdose,  
priapism cam be caused by some sort of trauma-like spinal damage, drug/ 
alcohol abuse, or even black widow spider bites. You've probably never  
heard that last one, we're guessing because the medical community  
doesn't want to drive a huge increase in black widow sales to men who  
just can't wrap their heads around the idea that a six-hour boner is  
actually a bad thing.