[lfjokes] people of earth (between the ages of 45 and 60) ...

[Adam Shand]

if you can't be bothered reading top bit just skim it and skip to the the
20 theses.

adam.

From: Rebecca Downes <rebecca at wetafx.co.nz>
URL: http://home.pacbell.net/ggolden/boomtrain.html

A powerful global conversation has begun! Unfortunately, we old farts
really don't participate much, we just scour for distressed furniture on
eBay 'cos we secretly wish we were poor and happy again, like in the 60's.
ANYway, through the Internet, people are discovering and inventing new
ways to share relevant knowledge with blinding speed. It's actually pretty
technologically neato; wish I understood it. ANYway, as a direct result,
markets are getting smarter-and getting smarter faster than most
companies, and since we baby boomers run most companies (you know, the
ones that turn profits), we're up the proverbial creek. Brothers and
sisters, the planet's got the shits and she's gonna blow ... these
pathetic, whiny, snot-nosed Gen-X whippersnappers MUST BE STOPPED!

"The boom train (my term, that asshole Locke stole it) has run roughshod
over every aspect of popular American culture for most of these last 30
years. Yay!"
- Jane Fonda 

"We may not be the Greatest Generation, but we very successfully manage to
monopolize the mass media and drown out the voices of the younger, more
interesting generations with out persistent cries of 'Me, Me, Me!'."
- Tom Brokaw 

"My butt itches. Get me a Coke." 
- Esther Dyson

The younger generations have conversations. Their members communicate in
language that is natural, open, honest, direct, funny and often shocking.
Whether explaining or complaining, joking or serious, the human voice is
unmistakably genuine. It can't be faked.

Most corporations (and, by extension, most of us), on the other hand, only
know how to talk in the soothing, humorless monotone of the mission
statement, marketing brochure, and your-call-is-important-to-us busy
signal. Same old tone, same old lies. And WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH
THAT? It worked great for our parents' generation, and if it ain't broke,
then why the hell would you want to fix it?

Learning to speak in a human voice is not some trick, and we can't
convince the Gen-X'ers that we are human with lip service about "listening
to customers." So let's stop pretending; let's stop fucking around. We
don't understand them, and apparently they don't understand us. I guess
that's not too hard to understand, I mean heck, most of these young losers
are the products of mass divorce and drug-addicted

households, no wonder they're so fucking bitter. But we have the last
laugh, don't we? We were the ones that got to take all those fun drugs!
And that wasn't the only fun part! Between March and October of 1967, I
had over 30 sex partners, and that was long before AIDS, so the professor
could go spelunking without a cam, if you catch my drift, and the worst I
had to worry about was the odd pregnancy or a dose of the clap. But I
digress ...

Corporate firewalls have kept smart employees in and smart markets out. We
need more of that. It's going to cause real pain to us if those walls are
torn down. The result will be a new kind of conversation, and it will
sound something like this: "GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!"


the boomtrain manifesto - 20 theses


1. Gen-X'ers have conversations.

2. Gen-X'ers are human beings, not demographic sectors, which makes them
   much more difficult to bamboozle than we were at their age.

3. The Internet is enabling conversations among human beings that were
   simply not possible in the era of mass media. How the hell does
   anything get SOLD?

4. Hyperlinks subvert hierarchy. Hyperactivity subverts Hyperbusiness.
   Gen-X'ers are Hyperactive. They buy CD's on the Hyperion label.

5. In both internetworked markets and among intranetworked employees,
   people are speaking to each other in a powerful new way. Probably
   behind our backs, the little fucks.

6. These networked conversations are enabling powerful new forms of social
   organization and knowledge exchange to emerge, which cuts to the bone,
   since our own attempt at re-engineering the social order in the 60's
   was such a complete and utter failure.

7. As a result, markets are getting smarter, more informed, more
   organized. Participation in a networked market changes people
   fundamentally (see above comment about bamboozling).

8. People in networked markets have figured out that they get far better
   information and support from one another than from vendors. That pretty
   much leaves us in the shithouse.

9. There are no secrets. The networked market knows more than companies
   (meaning us) do about their own products. And whether the news is good
   or bad, they tell everyone. That's why I put together this Web page,
   brothers and sisters. Mine is but one cry for reason and fiscal
   yumminess in a sea of electronic anarchy.

10. What's happening to markets is also happening among employees. A
    metaphysical construct called "The Company" is the only thing standing
    between the two. It's time to fortify. Monitor the shit out of your
    little proles, and if one gets out of line, embarass it publicly.

11. We do not speak in the same voice as these new networked Gen-X
    conversations. Exactly what the fuck does "dissing someone" mean
    anyway?

12. In just a few more years, the current homogenized "voice" of
    business-the sound of mission statements and brochures-will seem as
    contrived and artificial as the language of the 18th century French
    court. We better get busy learning how to talk to the kiddies. Again,
    can anyone enlighten me on "dissing someone?" No? How 'bout "gettin'
    my props?"

13. Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the
    dog-and-pony show, are only speaking to our generation. We must
    protect this, the true way, with our LIVES, brothers and sisters.

14. Companies that don't realize their markets are now networked
    person-to-person, getting smarter as a result and deeply joined in
    conversation are missing the opportunity to weed out the subversives,
    and to open up a CostCo-sized can o' whoop-ass on 'em (hey, that
    sounded kinda "young" and "hip," didn't it?

15. Companies can now communicate with their markets directly. I recommend
    "communicating" with superior firepower. Word. (Damn, I think I'm
    gonna get this lingo down!)

16. Companies need to realize their markets are often laughing. At
    them. If that doesn't fucking piss you off, brothers and sisters, then
    you may as well be part of the problem.

17. Companies attempting to "position" themselves need to take a position.
    My favorite has always been directly behind the customer, fucking them
    in the poopie.

18. Bombastic boasts-"We are positioned to become the preeminent provider
    of XYZ"-do not constitute a position. (see above; now THAT'S a
    position!)

19. By speaking in language that is distant, uninviting, and arrogant, we
    may be able to stay the course a bit longer, not to mention carrying
    on the proud heritage of our generation. Hell no, we won't go!

20. Elvis said it best: "Gimme another fried peanut butter and banana
    sandwich!" Heh heh. "Gimme." I like the sound of that. Me, Me, Me!

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