[lfjokes] pure evil ...

[Adam Shand]

From: Craig Wright <froggy at paradise.net.nz>
Via: Simondo <simondo at paradise.net.nz>

This bloke is working on the buses and collecting tickets.  He rings the
bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the
bus.

The driver sets off; the woman falls from the bus and is killed.  At the
trial the bloke is sent down for murder, and seeing as it's Texas, he's
sent to the electric chair.  On the day of his execution he's sat in the
chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well," says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?"

"Yes," answers the executioner.

"Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten
it.  When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch, sending
hundreds of volts through the man.  When the smoke clears the man is still
alive.  The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks.

"I suppose so," says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets his job back on the buses selling
tickets.  Yet again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are
still getting on.  A man falls under the wheels and is killed.

The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair.
The executioner is determined to do it right this time, so rigs the chair
up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.  The bloke is again sat
in the chair.

"What is your final wish?" asks the executioner.

"Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" says the condemned
man.

The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana.  The bloke eats
the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch.  Millions of volts
course through the chair, blacking out Texas.  When the smoke clears, the
man is still sat there smiling in the chair.  The executioner can't
believe it and lets the man go.

The bloke gets his job back on the buses.  Once again he rings the bell
whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them.

He is sent to the electric chair again.  The executioner rigs up all the
world's electricity to the chair, determined to get his man this time. The
man sits down in the chair smiling. "What's your final wish?" asks the
executioner.

"Well," says the man, "can I have that green banana out of your packed
lunch?"

The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin
included.  The executioner pulls the handle and a zillion million trillion
volts go through the chair.  When the smoke rises the man is still sat
there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up," says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still
be alive after all that?" He strokes his chin.  "Its something to do with
that green banana isn't it?" he asks.

"Nah," says the bloke, "I'm just a bad conductor."