[lfjokes] yack! where's santa's prozac?

[Adam Shand]

ahh, it's christmas time already ... 

From: David Brown <DavidBro at amdocs.com>

Dearest Santa, 
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky 

Mark, 
Firstly, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your ass
whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent
apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just
like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams! Santa 

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Dear Santa, 
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND, BiLLy 

Dear Billy, 
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist.
How 'bout I send you a big ass book so you can learn to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa 

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Dear Santa, 
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah 

Dear Sarah, 
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa 

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Dear Santa, 
I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I
really really want a fire truck this year! 
Love, Joey 

Dear Joey, 
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house.
You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with.
Santa 

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Dear Santa, 
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica 

Dear Jessica, 
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your
house...
Santa 

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Dear Santa, 
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please ... PLEASE! 
Timmy 

Timmy, 
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap don't
work up here. You're getting a sweater again. 
Santa

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Dear Santa, 
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? 
Your friend, Thomas 

Dear Thomas, 
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most my
time squeezing cocktail waitresses asses, and losing all my cash at the
craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa 

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Dear Santa, 
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy 

Dear Teddy, 
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the
baby-sitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let
me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa 

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Dear Santa, 
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love, Susan 

Dear Susan, 
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
Toblerone.
Santa