[lfjokes] i think we should fuck other people

[Adam Shand]

From: rick koller <rkoller at alaskahosting.com>
URL: http://www.theonion.com/onion3708/fuck_other_people.html

Allison, this is very difficult to say, because I care so deeply about
you. The moments we've shared together have been some of the happiest of
my life. But I've given it a lot of thought lately, and I think we should
fuck other people.

Now, please don't misunderstand: These past seven months with you have
been incredible. Before I met you, I never dreamed I was capable of
fucking somebody so much. For years, the only person I truly fucked was
myself. But meeting you, it just totally opened up my legs. And I know I
opened up yours, too.

But it just wouldn't be fair to either of us if we didn't find out who
else is out there that we're capable of fucking. As much as it hurts to
say, to commit myself to fucking any one person at this stage in my life
would be to sell myself short. I want to see who else is out there to
fuck. And you should, too. After all, we both have so much head to give.

Remember, we're both young. If, after some time away from each other, we
feel certain that we want to spend the rest of our sex lives together, we
can. For now, though, I think the smart thing to do is to fuck other
people. We both need to learn about ourselves, to find out what types of
people we enjoy making time with.

I'm sure this is painful for you. You probably feel as though you'll never
fuck again. But Allison, you're a lot stronger than you realize. You'll
fuck again, I promise. I can't say when or where or whom, but one day,
when you least expect it, when it's the last thing on your mind, you'll
meet someone and be fucked right off your feet. I believe magic is in
store for you. You will fuck again, and you'll fuck hard.

I wish I could, but I just can't close myself off to new people and
experiences. It's a big world out there, full of lots of incredible
breasts. And I want to come across lots of them before I settle down with
any one set. I want to expand my horizons. Only by leaving my zone of
safety can I discover all the different types of people I enjoy fucking.

Please don't think that I'm dumping you. I'll always be there for you. As
I move forward with my life, I'll always feel you close to me, no matter
who else I fuck. Sharing my semen with you was one of the most wonderful
experiences in my life. Every day, I thank my lucky stars to have had you.
Especially over the kitchen sink in your parents' house. And in the tool
shed.  Definitely the tool shed.

No, regardless of what the future brings, I will never forget all the
fucks we shared. Special, special fucks. There were times when it felt
like our genitals were one. Like we had merged into a single being, body
and face. And that's the sort of true fuck, Allison, that nothing can ever
erase.

It was great fucking, and it was fucking great.