[lfjokes] ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN and the case of the pirated MP3s

[Adam Shand]

wow, this is crazy.  i'd completely forgotten about encylopedia brown
until the other day when some friends and i were talking about kids books
we remembered.  i *loved* encyclopedia brown as a kid ...

From: The Eristocracy <Eristocracy at merrymeet.com>
URL:  http://modernhumorist.com/mh/0005/encyc_mp3/index.cfm

ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN and Sally Kimball, his junior detective partner and
bodyguard, were getting ready to go to the Idaville music festival when a
limousine pulled into Encyclopedia's driveway.

"Wow!" Sally said. "That car is so big, and so black!"

Four men in tight, black leather pants and sleeveless T-shirts got out of
the limousine. They had pale skin covered in tattoos, and one of them had
bits of metal hanging from various parts of his face. Encyclopedia and
Sally exchanged worried glances. They had never seen men their fathers'
age wearing leather pants before.

"Do not be frightened, young children, I am Lars Ulrich, powerhouse
drummer for Metallica, and we are needing your help, Encyclopedia Brown."
Metallica is a popular musical group known for blending traditional rock
and roll with heavy metal while using more introspective and meaningful
lyrics than most metal bands. "I am giving you a quarter."

Encyclopedia accepted the coin and asked, "What can we do for you?"

"Someone is stealing our music!" growled James Hetfield, rhythm guitar and
lead vocals.

Kirk Hammet, lead guitar, nodded, causing his multiple face and ear
piercings to jangle. "Yeah man! We put out a new album last week and
nobody bought it. But at the concerts, everyone is singing along and head
banging just as hard as ever!"

Jason Newsted, bass and backup vocals, handed Encyclopedia a piece of
paper. "Someone slipped this under our hotel door. We were hoping you
would know what to make of it, Encyclopedia Brown." Encyclopedia frowned.
"Hmmm...this looks like a list of Napster user names." Napster is a
computer application that allows people to download music files, also
known as MP3s, via the Internet for free rather than purchasing them in
compact disc form at the mall. "And you're right, someone has been
stealing your music. Looking at these user names, I have a hunch who it
is," Encyclopedia said gravely.

"Bugs Meany!" Sally exclaimed.

"We'd better pay Bugs a visit," Encyclopedia said. "But we might need more
backup than Sally this time-he's been acting strange lately."

"We can be helping," said Lars Ulrich as he placed a call on his cellular
phone. A moment later, another limousine pulled into Encyclopedia's
driveway. This one had a hot tub in the back, and in it were rap
impresario Dr. Dre and several of his finest ho's. Ho's are also known as
bitches. Bitches are hangers on who receive money and goods in exchange
for sexual services.

"Wow!" Sally said. "That man is so big, and so black!"

"Don't worry, if Meany gets out of line, I'll pop a cap in his ass." Dr.
Dre said. Popping a cap in one's ass means ending a life by shooting a
person with a firearm.

"All right!" Encyclopedia said, grabbing his bike. "Follow me."

[Ed. Chapter Two at web site ... :) ]