[lfjokes] dumb crooks ...

[Adam Shand]

From: "Keiran Haggerty" <Keiran_Haggerty at NAI.com>

RUNNER-UP #8

Colorado Springs: A guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun
and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the
cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but he refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over 21."  The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
he didn't believe him.  At this point the robber took his drivers license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and
agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got
off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

RUNNER-UP #7

A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told
the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted
to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.

RUNNER-UP #6

San Francisco:  A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked
into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup.  Put all your muny in this
bag."While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window.  So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes
in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.  She read it and,
surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in
the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either
have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK"  and left.  The Wells Fargo
teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later, as
he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

RUNNER-UP #5

>From England:  A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed
trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.  He
later received in the mail a ticket for 40 Pounds and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of 40
Pounds. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture...  of handcuffs. The motorist promptly sent the
money for the fine.

RUNNER-UP #4

Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant.  The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense", said Christopher,
who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it
over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine
in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to
compose himself.

RUNNER-UP #3

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in district court when he fired his lawyer.  Assistant
district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of
defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the
robber.  Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I
should of blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then
quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20
minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30-year sentence.

RUNNER-UP #2

Detroit: R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
showing their squad car computer felon-location equipment to children in a
Detroit neighbourhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer
asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they
entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan
because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a
two year old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

RUNNER-UP #1

Another from Detroit: A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"  When
his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

THE WINNER

A Charlotte, NC, man having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive
cigars, insured them against fire among other things. Within a
month,having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without having made
even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim
against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated the cigars
were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to
pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the
normal fashion. The man sued....  and won!  In delivering the ruling the
judge agreeing that the claim was frivolous, stated nevertheless the man
held a policy from the company in which it had warranted the cigars were
insurable and also guaranteed it would insure against fire, without
defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated
to pay the claim.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars
he lost in "the fires."

After the man cashed the check, however, the company had him arrested on
24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the
previous case being used against him, the man was convicted of
intentionally burning his insured property and sentenced to 24 months in
jail and a $24,000 fine.