[lfjokes] A time-filler to bring back some childhood memories

[Adam Shand]

From: "cate carnegie" <catiepeh at hotmail.com>

Are you a real kiwi?? How many have you done? One point for each YES
answer. Keep your Score - rate your classic Kiwi upbringing!!

As a True Kiwi have you -

1. Been to Sweetwaters
2. Spent Easter at a Taupo bach
3. Played beach cricket
4. Been on a Flying Fox
5. Got drunk on Spumante/Marque Vue or Chardon
6. Dived into a river from a rope
7. Heard the Pete Sinclair story
8. Have an opinion on whether Marmite is better than Vegemite
9. Done a bungee
10. Spent New Years at Wanaka, Hawea, Mahia, Queenstown, the Mount or Piha
11. Seen the Dance Exponents
12. Seen Hello Sailor or The Netherworld Dancing Toys
13. Seen Split Enz
14. Know of someone who was in Erebus
15. Had some involvement during the AB81 Tour
16. Played Touch Rugby
17. Played Bullrush
18. Been to Dunedin
19. Stayed overnight on a marae
20. Been to the West Coast
21. Done a runner
22. Shagged someone you didn't know overseas
23. Crashed on someone's floor in London
24. Smoked dope with a Gang Member
25. Have had numerous blackened knives from spotting, in your flat
26. Made your own bong
27. Can still remember the lyrics to the Kentucky Fried ad
28. Been to at least one All Black Test
29. Been to at least one ODI cricket game
30. Been to Bali
31. Been to the Otara market
32. Had to stop on the way home from the pub and have a sleep outside
33. Played "4 Square" or "Elastics" as a kid
34. Had the cops called at a party
35. Heard a vile anecdote about Rob Muldoon
36. Been to a wedding/21st in a hay/woolshed
37. Been to the Stockcars
38. Owned an Iron Maiden T-shirt
39. Attempted to play "Stairway to Heaven" on a guitar
40. Played the recorder as a kid
41. Killed a possum and/or a rabbit
42. Owned or ridden in a Zephyr
43. Been asked ID at the pub
44. Have some form of criminal record
45. Achieved at least one hack of 5 or more (minus 1 if you don't know what a 'hack' is)
46. Seen Sleeping Dogs/Goodbye Pork Pie or A Dog's Tail
47. Been to Les Mills
48. Bleached your hair
49. Had sex in the bush
50. Skied Ruapehu
51. Stayed in a trampers hut
52. Was a Cub/Scout / Brownie/Guide
53. Been taken home by the cops
54. Had a party in the Olds' house while they were away
55. Broken a bone
56. Know what "Black Magic" is
57. Wore red socks when we won the Americas Cup
58. Was at the Americas Cup Ticker Tape celebrations
59. Remember the exact date when the underarm incident happened
60. Drive over 100kph on an open highway
61. Had a flutter at the races
62. Attended Anzac commemorations
63. Visited the TAB
64. Either drunk or watched someone drink a yard-glass at their 21st
65. Done (or attempted to do) a jug skull
66. Told a story about how drunk you got at a party and how much you
    puked afterwards.
67. Owned a Buzzy-Bee
68. Owned red band gumboots
69. Used beer as BBQ garnish
70. Argued over whether we invented the Pavlova
71. Stumbled across someone's plantation
72. Stung by bluebottle at beach as a kid
73. Boogie boarded down dunes
74. Have eaten more than twelve Weetbix at a time
75. Been for a dump in the bush
76. Have delivered a supply of either Buzzbars, Vegemite, Marmite, Jaffas
    or Pineapple Lumps to a friend overseas
77. Asked for Hokey Pokey ice-cream in a Country other than NZ
78. Worn a swandri
79. Wrapped a sausie in a piece of bread at a barbie
80. Call jandals "jandals"
81. Boasted about the alcoholic percentage of what you were drinking
    last night
82. Drunk Leed lemonade
83. Hate Paul Holmes
84. Gave up watching McPhail &amp; Gadsby before 1983
85. Owned one/all of the Footrot Flats annuals
86. Had a crush on Karyn Hay (or Adam Parore/Martin Crowe)
87. Owned at least one album of Dave Dobbyn/DD Smash
88. Made jokes about eating Swedes
89. Owned a paua ashtray
90. Played swingball
91. Played patter tennis
92. Wondered what happened to Dick Driver
93. Can finish off this sentence "Trust British Paints, ....."
94. Bought a Swappa Crate
95. Been to a keg party
96 .Eaten Lamingtons
97. Used a full brandysnap as a blowpipe
98. Eaten a Crazy Joe popsicle
99. Had a conversation with a stranger and found out you were cousins.
100. Your first trip overseas was to Sydney.
101. Know at least one person who went to university in Dunedin.
102. Can remember 'Close To Home'
103. Have sung 'Sailing Away' until it hurt.
104. Met a guy who knew a woman who went to school with your mother
     or father.
105. Imitated the haka in a drunken state in another country.
106. Met no one but Kiwis on your big OE.
107. Told the bouncer at the Redback that you were from Australia
108. Been Hitchhiking to an Easter Tourney
109. Almost got killed in a crazy hitchhiking experience
110. Had an early dope smoking experience where you actually got given
     muesli / tea / fertiliser / oregano
111. Had a nasty home brew experience
112. Will never drink rum again
113. Got your first period while on fourth form tramp
114. Had your first wet dream over Daisy Duke
115. Will never be able to part with that favourite flannel shirt
116. Wore ug boots to school
117. Actually thought MMP might be a good idea
118. Spent New Years at Whangamata
119. Drunk Rheineck on New Years and told each other " Hey! It's not
     that bad"
120. Attempted to grow a dope plant
121. Owned an Escort or Anglia
122. Have had the muffler fall off your Escort or Anglia
123. Thought it sounded quite cool without the muffler
124. Crashed your parent's car
125. Have tried to sleep with your best mate's girlfriend/boyfriend
126. Have had sex with a girl called Sharon
127. Have had sex with a boy called Mike
128. Cooked a BBQ
129. Been fishing
130. Swum in Jeans
131. Played backyard Cricket
132. Bogged a car
133. Worn the same underwear for at least three days
134. Done the sniff test on a pair of socks
135. Driven Drunk
136. Sung Poi E in assembly while holding hands with a girl/boy while
     wearing Adidas tracksuit pants and Bata Bullets.

0-30 points

Definitely NOT a Kiwi. Get back into whatever hole you crawled out of.
Every good Kiwi knows when the underarm incident occurred (Feb 1, 1981)
and yes the Aussies ARE cheats!!

31-60 points

Borderline - you possibly know someone who's done most of that stuff BUT
you're probably still a virgin.

61-90 right

Standard - Good Kiwi upbringing. A well rounded individual that delights
in hassling others (especially Aussies) for no reason other than that they
were there. Losing a game of Rugby to another country (especially South
Africa or Australia) is enough to make you feel physically sick.

You can spend hours reminiscing over the past and discussing how kids
these days have it so much easier than you did.

91-120 right

You're either from a farm or extremely extroverted. A real sense of 'Kiwi
Love' you probably spend a lot of your time informing everyone just how
great NZ really is. One of those people who'll try anything once!!

121+

That's impossible - you can't have had sex with a girl called Sharon and a
boy called Mike and answered yes to 119 other classic Kiwi feats!! If
you're not already in jail - that's where you belong!!