[lfjokes] I Will Survive (Alternate Lyrics)

[Simondo]

From: simondo <simondo at paradise.net.nz>

         THE MALE VERSION.....

         At first I was afraid I was petrified
         By the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
         I would've drunk a little less,
         I would've tried to keep my head.
         If I'd known for just one second you'd
         Assault me in your bed.
         I tried to go, walk out the door
         But you've been sitting on my legs and I
         Can't feel them anymore
         And now you're sitting on my face, my nose
         Has vanished - not a trace,
         I only hope that your big knickers are not
         Made of liquorice lace
         I want to go, I've got to leave
         Before your fat and naked body makes me want
         to heave
         I only hope that no one saw me walking home
         With such a slut
         Oh God the things that you can get up to when you're
         Half cut.
         I can't believe, I'm lying here.
         It's all because of that evil drink that
         We call beer
         You can all sod your beer goggles, god I must
         Have been blind
         To mistake that Hoover dam for a sexy young behind.
         Please let me go, I'm getting scared
         There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly
         Breasts from being bared.
         I think that I must have been mad, God what
         Made me want to court her?
         With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just
         Filled up with water
         It's time to go, run out the door
         She's started hinting that she wants sex on her
         Dirty lino floor
         I don't think there's anything worse
         Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.
         I WILL SURVIVE !
        
         FEMALE VERSION...........

         At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
         By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
         I would've drunk a little less, I would've
         Tried to keep my head,
         If I'd known for just one second I'd be in
         Your crusty bed...
         I tried to go, walk out the door.
         But I laughed so hard at your small knob that
         I fell on the floor.
         Your butt's a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out
         disgrace,
         But I'd rather look at that, than at your
         bloody ugly face...!
         I want to go, I've got to leave.
         Your talk of chicks and football really makes
         Me want to heave.
         I only know I've got to stop my drinking
         Spirits and the beer
         Coz when I looked at you last night, hell, you
         Looked just like Richard Gere !
         I can't believe, that we both shagged.
         You should be wearing concrete shoes or should be
         Simply bound and gagged.
         I'm sodding off right now, I'm jumping on the
         Flippin' train
         And I'm not stopping till I'm home and washed
         Your greebies down the drain.
         Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
         We had the worst sex in the world and you're
         A bloody ugly prick
         I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at
         least he's got a lovely flat
         But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm
         stuck with you, you ugly twat.
         It's time to go, run out the door.
         You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
         I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm gonna
         Have no stupid fun
         Coz waking up beside you makes me
         Want to be a nun !
         I WILL SURVIVE !