[lfjokes] ebay auction

[Adam Shand]

you really need to go to the web site ...

Via: Keiran Haggerty <keiran at spack.org>
From: http://home.houston.rr.com/surrenderownz/auction.htm

Description

Winning bid receives an ass-kicking from me personally. I am 6'0" and
weigh over 230 lbs. If you win this auction, I will personally come to
your house and kick your ass. I guarantee that I will not break any bones
or kill you, nor will I use any weapons on you, but I will give you a good
beating. I will do this under two conditions:

1) You or anyone else does not press charges against me (after all, you
   bought the ass-kicking),
2) You do not fight back or attempt to physically harm me in any other
   manner (this is your ass getting kicked, not mine).

Buyer provides round-trip plane ticket to the nearest airport, as well as
cab fare to your house and back. If you are not close to an airport, you
may provide me with a train ticket or other means of transportation. Do
not pick me up, as I will be attacking you completely randomly. Buyer must
also provide good, clear directions to their house, as well as any
business expenses for if I need to stay in a hotel or buy food for myself
during the trip. Most likely though I will just fly in, kick your ass, and
then leave.

Upon my arrival, I will select a random time to come over and kick your
ass. It may be when you are sleeping, or showering, or any other time
during the day/night when you are most vulnerable. During this beating I
may damage one or more of your household items, if I have to break glass
to get into your home or knock over furniture if you attempt to run from
me. This should be expected by you, and covered in my expenses. If you are
married or have children, I may choose to slap around your family a little
bit, but only if I'm feeling particularly generous. They should be
informed of this, and expect it as well.

Bidding starts at one cent ($0.01) but remember the winner must pay all
expenses for my travel if they wish for me to come and kick their ass.

I will accept check, money order, or Paypal. Or you could just let me use
your valid credit card for a few days and we'll call it even.