[lfjokes] Random Thoughts...

[Simondo]

From: The Jokes List <simondo at paradise.net.nz>


            Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have
            to hear about all the men she could have married, and
            she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
            ____________________________________________

            An elderly woman died last month.  Having never married,
            she requested no male pallbearers.  In her handwritten
            instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They
            wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them
            to take me out when I'm dead.
            ____________________________________________

            A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would
            you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"  He said,
            "Call for backup."
            ____________________________________________

            A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before
            she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it
            necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because
            people are sleeping."
            ____________________________________________

            A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and
            Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.  A small child
            replied:  "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
            _____________________________________________

            A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
            Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After
            explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy
            mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches
            us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"  Without missing
            a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
            _____________________________________________

            At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
            everything, including human beings.  Little Johnny seemed
            especially intent when they told him how Eve was created
            out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother
            noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
            Johnny what is the matter?  Little Johnny responded, "I
            have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
           _____________________________________________

            A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the
            yard and asked his mother, "Who am I? " Ready to play the game
            she said, "I don't know! Who are you?"  "WOW!" cried the
            child.  "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty,
            my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"
            _____________________________________________

            A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the
            first day of school:  "If you promise not to believe
            everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise
            not to believe everything he says happens at home.