[lfjokes] Overclocked Jesus Performs Miracles Faster

[Simondo]

From: http://www.bbspot.com/News/2002/03/ocjesus.html

See website for almost disturbing picture of the overclocked Jesus...

 Overclocked Jesus Performs Miracles Faster
 By Brian Briggs 
 
  Chicago, IL - A group of bored students in Chicago overclocked Jesus so 
that he
  now performs miracles nearly twice as fast as before. Goran Radovich and 
Trey
  Gafney managed to overclock Jesus and keep him stable at a record 3.69 
GHz. 
 
 "We were just sitting around the other day and Goran says 'Hey, don't you 
have a
 spare Jesus around here? Let's see if we can overclock him'," said Gafney, 
"So
 we got out the Jesus and cranked up the clock. He started sweating pretty
 profusely at about 2.5 GHz so we went out and got the hose and started 
spraying
 him down."
 
 The boys then fitted Jesus with some spare heatsinks they had and tried for 
the
 Jesus overclocking record. "When we got him up to about 3.75 GHz that was 
when
 we started having some problems like that hole in Tommy's abdomen and the 
sudden
 change of seasons," said Radovich. "After that we clocked him down and he 
was
 stable most of the time at 3.69 GHz."
 
 "We had all the bread and fish and wine that we ever needed," continued
 Radovich, "and we both had straight A's so we took him down to the hospital 
to
 do some more miracles there. We turned him on and his arms were flying 
around
 and deaf people could hear, the crippled could walk. Of course, a couple of
 times he got going too fast and a couple of blind guys got an extra eye."
 
 Donna Samson was one of the cured, "Jesus came walking down the hall 
and he
 looked like he had drank about 10 cups of coffee. He laid his hands on me 
and
 said my cancer was cured. It was and as a bonus I got this extra leg too!"
 
 The young men explained that they expect to get Jesus saving people even 
faster
 when they figure out how to safely immerse him in liquid nitrogen. Gafney and
 Radovich broke the previous record of 3.43 GHz set by a group in Norway last
 month.