[lfjokes] Men's Rules

[Adam Shand]

I'm pretty sure this has gone around before but what the hell.

Via: null at spack.org <null at spack.org>

Men always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. OK - we now hear the
guys' side. These are our rules!

 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
    down.
 2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
    can find the perfect present yet again!
 3. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
 4. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
 5. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.
 6. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
    that way.
 7. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
    Really.
 8. Crying is blackmail.
 9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
    not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work.  Just
    say it!
10. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
    calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
11. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
    be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
    with your dress?
12. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
13. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
    what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
14. Check your oil ... Please!!!!
15. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
    all comments become null and void after 7 days.
16. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
    to act like soap opera guys.
17. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
    makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
18. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
    done-not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
    yourself.
19. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.
20. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
21. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months
    we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
22. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
    for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
    no idea what mauve is and we can't even spell eckrue.
23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading
    ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
    nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
    hassle.
25. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.