[lfjokes] It's All in How You Look at It!

[Adam Shand]

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" 

*** 

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said, with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago." 

*** 

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents." 

*** 

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to
answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her
mother. Then she added., "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
right now. She's hitting the bottle." 

*** 

I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing,
my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact,
that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the
dinner table, my 10-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure
would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods." 

*** 

A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
said, "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side
before you try to zip it up." The boy looked at her quizzically: "Why
does it have to be a secret?" 

*** 

When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
for the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady
selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a
bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the
apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the
peel either." 

*** 

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a
little boy before?"