[lfjokes] Cookery tips: How I know I am a real woman

[Simondo]

 DELIA SMITH IS AN ENGLISH CHEF

Delia's way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone 
to prevent ice cream drips. The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream 
out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake, you're probably lying on the 
couch with your feet up eating it anyway.  

Delia's way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with 
the potatoes. The Real Women's Way: Buy Smash and keep it in the 
cupboard for up to a year.  

Delia's way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the tin, use a bit of the 
dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the 
cake. The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakers. They'll even decorate it for 
you.  

Delia's way #4: If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop 
in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up". 
The Real Women's Way: If you over salt a dish while you're cooking, that's 
tough. Please recite with me The Real Women's motto: I made it and will eat 
it and I don't care how bad it tastes.  

Delia's way #5: Wrap celery in foil when putting in the fridge and it will keep 
for weeks. The Real Women's Way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.  

Delia's way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to 
yield a beautiful glossy finish. The Real Women's Way: The Fray Bentos pie 
directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I don't do 
it.  

Delia's way #7: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using rubber gloves. 
They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy. The Real Women's 
Way: Go ask the very gorgeous neighbour to do it.  

Delia's way #8: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for 
future use in casseroles and sauces. The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine? 
 

Delia's way #9: When catering for an evening buffet, calculate food portion and 
timings a week in advance, so that you're not rushing on the night. The Real 
Women's Way: Nip into Woolies on the way home that evening, and buy 
everything in packets.  

Delia's way #10: When you have finished the preparation for your buffet, wash 
up and treat yourself to a glass of wine. The Real Women's Way: Hide the 
packets and drain the last of that "pre dinner" wine bottle.