[lfjokes] But Officer...............

[Simondo]

Caught for speeding

The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding,
rolled down his window.  

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.  

The guy replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could."  

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stuck under a bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." 

Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck
under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. 

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?"  

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dealing with trouble

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.
The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed
almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy
and Mohammed Ali too.  

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist -- 
probably better than Houdini."  

The giant nodded.  

"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how
strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't
you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"  

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I
can't get out of these," the giant growled.  

"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again.  

"Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm going to a lecture

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a
policeman.  

"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.  

"I'm going to a lecture." the man said.

"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.  

"My wife," said the man.