[lfjokes] Extracts from the Personal column of Irish

[Simondo]

These are a larf. Extracts from the Personal column of Irish 
newspapers....  

Grossly overweight Louth turfcutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, 
seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, 
candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own 
car and be willing to travel.  Box 09/08  

Following a sad recent loss, teetotal Tipperary man, 53, seeks 
replacement mammy. Must like biscuits and answer to the name Minnie. 
Thurles area. Box 08/73  

Galway man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered. Box 
06/03  

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in 
pints, fags, Glasgow Celtic football club and starting scraps on Patrick 
Street at three in the morning. Box 73/82.  

Bitter, disillusioned Kerryman lately rejected by longtime fiancee seeks 
decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this 
cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.Box 53/41  

Ginger-haired Galwegian trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a 
few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more. 
Box 84/87  

Artistic Clare woman, 53, petite, loves rainy walks on the beach, 
wrriting poetry, unusual sea-shells and interesting brown rice 
dishes,seeks mystic dreamer for companionship, back rubs and more as we 
bounce along like little tumbling clouds on life's beautiful crazy 
journey. Strong stomach esssential.  Box 12/32  

Chartered accountant, 42, seeks female for marriage. Duties will include 
cooking, light cleaning and accompanying me to office social functions. 
References required. No timewasters.Box 23/45  

Bad-tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the 
arse-end of Roscommon seeks attracxtive 21 year old blonde lady with big 
chest. Box 40/27  

Devil-worshiper, Offaly area, seeks like minded lady for wining and 
dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks and slaughtering cats 
in cemetaries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon. Box 
52/07  

Attracttive brunette, Macroom area, winner of Miss Wrangler competition 
at Jolenes nightclub, Macroom, in September 1978, seeks nostalgic man 
who's not afraid to cry for long nights spent comfort drinking and 
listening to old Abba records. Please, Please! Box 30/41  

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for 
the night of February 7 between 8pm and 11.30pm. Box 36/41