[lfjokes] Quips on Catholic Church Pedophilia Scanda

[Simondo]

Catholic Church Pedophilia Scandal
Quips, Quotes & Late-Night Jokes

URL: http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blpedophilepriests.htm

"I read this in the paper this morning: New York City has a priest 
shortage. So you see, there is some good news in the world. ... To give 
you an idea how bad it is, earlier today in Brooklyn an alter boy had to 
grope himself." —David Letterman  

"As you've probably heard, the Pope has asked all the Cardinals to return 
to Rome. You know how they got them all to come back? They told them that 
there was going to be a performance by the Vienna Boys Choir." —Jay Leno  

"The Cardinals will be staying at the Domus Sanctae Marthae, the new 
hotel at the Vatican, where turn down service means the bell boy isn't 
interested." —Daily Show host Jon Stewart  

"The U.S. Cardinals said they are going to develop a code of ethics to 
help them deal with the sexual scandal. Wait a minute, I thought their 
already was a code of ethics, it's called the Bible." —Jay Leno  

"Cardinal Law had difficulty with his memory under oath today. He could 
only remember three commandments. Under oath, Cardinal Law said 'I do not 
recall' 43 times. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material." 
—David Letterman  

"The House Transportation Committee is now considering a bill that would 
allow pilots to carry guns for protection. I've got a better idea, why 
not give guns to alter boys, give them a fighting chance." —Jay Leno  

"In Boston, it looks like Cardinal Bernard Law isn't going to be 
punished. It turns out he's getting transferred to Rome, which is kind of 
like a promotion. He said today he wanted to thank all the little 
people." —Jay Leno  

"The Church reaffirming celibacy — it's kind of like Clinton reaffirming 
monogamy." —Jay Leno  

"The big Vatican summit wrapped up, closing ceremonies were Harry Connick 
Jr. The Vatican is taking a tough stand now, three strikes and you're 
transferred." —David Letterman  

"This is the last Take Your Daughter to Work Day. Next year, boys will be 
involved too. I guess the church lobbied pretty hard on that one." —Jay 
Leno  

"After all these scandals in the church, many Roman Catholics are calling 
for an end to celibacy. And end to celibacy, how about starting celibacy? 
Let's at least try it to see if it works." —Jay Leno  

"Pope has called all the U.S. cardinals back to the Vatican. He's going 
to have Italy's top soccer coach talk to them. I believe the topic is how 
to do your job without using your hands." —Jay Leno  

"Today the Catholic Church unveiled its new policy. Don't ask, don't 
confess." —Jay Leno  

"The Supreme Court ruled today that virtual child pornography is legal. 
Finally, some good news for the church." —Jay Leno  

"Kids, if you see an ad that says Cardinals looking for a bat boy, watch 
out, that has nothing to do with the baseball team." —Jay Leno