[lfjokes] (For the Ladies) 20 CLUES TO "CALLING IT A NIGHT"

[Simondo]

  20 CLUES TO "CALLING IT A NIGHT"

  I know it's time to go home when...

  1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is (or pants... but
  that's a long story).

  2. I believe that dancing with my arms over my head and my butt
  wiggling while yelling "woo-hoo" is truly the sexiest dance move
  around.

  3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly
  believe I could do it, too.

  4. In my last trip to pee, I realize I now look more like an Oxford
  Street tranny than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

  5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. kebab on the floor (which I'm eating even
  though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating
  it.

  6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them
  soooooo much.

  7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work..

  8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

  9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

  10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and 
  sing becomes strangely overwhelming.

  11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I
  keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

  12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

  13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me
  just lemonade, but that's because I can no longer taste the vodka.

  14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the
  kitchen/bathroom floor.

  15. I start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the
  Wrong way, but...."

  16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

  17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

  18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor, wherever I happen to
  be standing,  and take a quick nap.

  19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button-fly pants to cut
  down on  the time I'm in the washroom away from my drink.

  20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm
  having problems walking straight.