[lfjokes] Creationism and Evolution...

[Simondo]

This was circulated in the Skeptic e-letter in response to the decision 
in Georgia that evolution and competing (religious) theories both be 
taught in public schools.  Ludicrous.

URL: http://www.skeptic.com/

This mock article made its appearance www.theonion.com


Georgia School Board Bans 'Theory Of Math

COGDELL, GA--The Cogdell School Board banned the teaching of the 
controversial "Theory Of Math" in its schools Monday. "We are simply not 
confident of this mysterious process by which numbers turn, as if by 
magic, into other numbers," board member Gus Reese said. "Those 
mathematicians are free to believe 3 times 4 equals 12, but that dun 
[sic] give them the right to force it on our children." Under the new 
ruling, all math textbooks will carry a disclaimer noting that math is 
only one of many valid theories of number-manipulation. 

------------------------------ 

DEMON HAUNTED TIMES All the News That's Not Fit to Print

By Brandon Muller

Evolutionists Give Up
Creationism to be Taught in Schools

WASHINGTON, D.C. Leading members of the scientific community, along with
creationists, concluded a week long summit in the nation's capital by
agreeing on a resolution that demands both evolution and creation be
taught in public schools.

"This is a victory for every would-be scientist who wishes to forego all
that silly peer review and scientific consensus nonsense, and bring
biblical truth straight into the classroom," proclaimed creationist Dr.
Wayne D. Fish.

"We have wedged our way into a new scientific era," declared creationist
Phillip Dembsky who prefers to call himself a proponent of "Intelligent
Creation" (or IC). "Science has been committed too long to the dogmatic
philosophy of "evidence" and "reason." Now science can truly move
forward."

The resolution calls for a complete teaching of both evolution and
creation with a final exam made up of questions split evenly between the
two theories. Gene Schott, director of the National Center for Educating
Science, conceded that her fellow scientists just grew tired of the
constant opposition from creationists.

"They were very persistent," lamented Schott. "Finally, we just threw up
our hands and said, "We give up! We'll let you present your side to
students." Come to find out, we really didn't give up much at all."
According to Schott, the entire creationist presentation will take less
than 20 minutes of an full academic semester.

"Basically, evolution teaching will remain the same. The textbooks will
not change," explained Schott. "The only difference is that at some point
in the class, the first two chapters of Genesis will be read. That really
shouldn't take very long at all."

Creationists were happy with the resolution. "Well, truth be told, we'd 
prefer to have students spend the same amount of time on both theories," 
said Fish. "However, all we have is the first two chapters of Genesis. 
God did it. It's that simple. The evolutionists have a lot more stuff 
they have to go through."  

The only issue left unresolved was between the creationists themselves
concerning what Bible translation to use.

"I'm a big fan of the Living Bible," said Dempsky, "but Dr. Fish prefers
the King James. See, we really are legitimate. We have our own in-house
debate! It's like he's Dawkins and I'm Gould!" The resolution also
included a sample final exam containing both evolution and creationist
questions. Below are the first ten questions of the exam:

1. Describe the theory of punctuated equilibrium and argue whether or not
it represents a paradigm shift in evolutionary theory. 

2. What did God create on the third day? 

3. Name and describe at least three different mechanisms for genetic 
mutation. 

4. Who named all the animals? 

5. Explain the significance of "ring species" in evolutionary theory. 

6. True or False? Adam was a monkey. 

7. Describe the role of natural selection in evolution. 

8. Fill in the blank. "God saw that the light was ____." 

9. Define: Allopatric speciation. 

10. Whom did God create first? a. Adam b. Eve c. Steve