[lfjokes] Blokes' Rules...

[simondo]

   BLOKES RULES:
   
   1. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a
   friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
   feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before
   the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
   
   2. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally
   killed and buried by his fellow partygoers unless he sneaks photos
   of the stripper.
   
   3. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
   
   4. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
       a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master
       b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
       c. After wrecking your boss' car.
       d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
       e. When your Date is using her teeth
   
   5. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
   friend out of jail within 12 hours.
   
   6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
   limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
   
   7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's
   running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time: 6 minutes. For a
   girl, you have to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she
   scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
   
   8. Whingeing about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
   forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
   
   9. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
   another man (in fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is
   strictly optional).
   
   10. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
   the weakest.
   
   11. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
   may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never
   ask who's playing.
   
   12. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
   brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for
   the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your
   girlfriend.
   
   13. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when
   you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a
   topless supermodel... and it's free.
   
   14. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
   
   15. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see
   nothin'.
   
   16. Women who claim to "love watching sports" must be treated as
   spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
   to drink as much beer as the other sports spectators.
   
   17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death
   of a girlfriend's dog, even if it was you who secretly set it on
   fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
   
   18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
   remain sober enough to fight.
   
   
   19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
   pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
   
   20. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
   talking about his choice of beer.
   
   21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a mate of yours,
   except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
   
   22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting
   weights:
       a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
       b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
       c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
       d. Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?
   
   23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
   footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
   situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
   need.
   
   24. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than
   you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone;
   Hang up if necessary.