[lfjokes] Music Pirates Change Tactics

[Adam Shand]

Via: Richard Schwartfeger <richard.schwartfeger at virgin.net>
From: http://www.aardvark.co.nz/daily/2003/0401.shtml

Music Pirates Change Tactics

The RIAA is worried that its recent moves to introduce highly effective
copy-protection schemes and digital rights management (DRM) systems may 
be forcing music pirates to try new tactics.

"We've just realised that some people, finding they can no longer copy 
the music, are actually trying to copy the artists themselves" a 
spokesman told the media.

While most people thought that the actions of screaming fans who would 
do almost anything to get a lock of a singer's hair or article of 
clothing was just innocent adoration, the RIAA now claim it is a threat 
to album sales.

"We believe these people are after minute samples of DNA which will be 
used to clone popular singers such as Robbie Williams and Pink."

An industry official claims that such cloning would result in the loss 
of over $11.9 billion in projected sales over the next five years.

"We know that human cloning is illegal -- but so is copying CDs. We also
know that these pirates have no respect for the law so it's only a 
matter of time before illegally cloned artists begin recording in 
underground studios."

The industry claims it has already been able to download computer files
representing the DNA sequences of several top-selling artists from file
trading networks such as Kazza.

In a move designed to preempt illegal cloning, the RIAA says that 
artists signed to its members will now be required to undergo "enhancement."

"This is a simple process" the media was told "and not only protects the
performer against illegal duplication, it also adds value to their
performance."

In the wake of this announcement, sexy UK recording trio Atomic Kitten 
were seen leaving a live concert, covered in what appeared to be large 
patches of black marker pen ink.