[lfjokes] Young Gunfighter

[simondo]

In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy 
who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter 
in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, 
but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there 
must be something he was doing wrong.
 
Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an 
elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of 
being the fastest gun in the West in his day. The young 
cowboy took the seat next to the old-timer, bought him 
a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition. 

"Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked. 
The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, 
for one thing you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the 
holster a lil' lower down on your leg." 
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the 
young man.
"Sure will." said the old-timer. 
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped 
out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
 
"That's terrific!" said the cowboy, "Got any more tips 
for me?"
"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster 
where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother 
draw." 
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the 
younger man. 
"You bet it will," said the old-timer. 
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood 
up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the 
piano player.
 
"Wow!" said the cowboy. "I'm learning' somethin' here. 
Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can 
in a corner of the saloon. 
"See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."
 The young man went over to the can and smeared 
some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 
"No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, 
handle and all." 
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young 
man. 
"Nope." said the old timer, "But when Wyatt Earp gets 
done playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun right 
up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."