[lfjokes] French Judge Gives Taliban Win

[Adam Shand]

Via: jokez at yahoogroups.com
From: http://www.satirewire.com/news/feb02/judge.shtml

FRENCH JUDGE GIVES TALIBAN WIN
Afghan Fighters' Artistic Impression Marks Mysteriously Higher
Salt Lake City, Utah (SatireWire.com) 

Despite making what most observers 
agreed were "obvious technical errors," such as surrendering, the Taliban 
were awarded victory in the Afghanistan war last night after the French 
judge said they won on presentation.

The decision snatched triumph away from a U.S./U.K. pair who most agreed 
put on a magical, career-defining performance last month. It also stirred 
an immediate controversy, as analysts questioned how five judges — from 
France, Russia, China, Poland, and Ukraine — could have scored the Taliban 
higher than the American/British fighters.

"When the Americans and British finished, I thought, 'That's it. They've 
won,'" said Abdur Muhammed, a former Syrian general and now color 
commentator with Al Jazeera. "But when I saw the scores last night, 
frankly, I was embarrassed for our profession."

However, a defiant Marie-Reine Le Gougne, the French judge who marked the 
Taliban a 5.9 out of a possible 6.0 for artistic impression, insisted the 
Afghan regime was much more eloquent. "Hiding in caves, fighting with 
inferior weapons, the maneuvers they attempted were clearly more 
difficult," said Le Gougne. "And artistically, they were much more 
graceful, particularly with their hands."

"But their hands primarily went up," responded CNN military color analyst 
Gen Wesley Clark.

"Yes, but they were very fluid movements," Le Gougne answered.

That explanation only heightened calls for reform in warfare judging, and 
by today, pressure was mounting on the International Warfare Union to at 
least declare the U.S./U.K. duo as co-winners.Taliban leader Mullah Omar, 
however, defended the scoring. "I don't see what the debate is about," he 
said. "Victory goes to whomever pleases the judges. We fought beautifully 
and deserved this win."

While clearly devastated, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld refused to 
be drawn into the debate. "War is subjective. It's judged," he said. "As 
soldiers we have to be happy that we did our best, and put this behind us."

British Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon, however, hinted the U.K. may consider 
retiring from war. "When you work so hard to make your dreams come true, 
only to have them snatched away like this, it's... it's disillusioning," 
said Hoon, as he buried his face in his hands. "I only hope our judges 
return the favor the next time France competes."
______________
Copyright © 2002, SatireWire.


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